CO-Parenting plan

Hi all,

i have put together (from various sources on the web) a co-parenting plan that my stbx and i will use to form the basis of how we will manage our time with our children. What do people think - is it a bit ott or is it the sort of thing that makes sense? Can anyone advise on the legality of such a document?

cheers
peter

Co Parenting Plan

Statement of Arrangements for the Children

This arrangement has been made on the .... day of [month] 2008 between xxx (father) of [address] and xxx (mother) of [address].
- The father and mother have both determined that their marriage is over, and that they will be living in separate households.
- There are xxx children of the marriage, xxx born xxx, xxx born xxx and xxx born xxx .
- Both the Father and the Mother agree that the most important part of their lives are the children and both intend to put the considerations and feelings of the children first in any discussions or negotiations.
- The father and mother have sought and received independent legal advice prior to the signing of this agreement.

Basic Arrangements
1. The mother and father in ending their marriage are resolved to cooperate as fully as possible in order that the children will suffer as little as possible from the separation of their parents.
2. Care and control of the children shall continue to be shared between the mother and the father on an equal basis in a shared parenting format.
3. The mother and father agree that the shared arrangement shall take the form of alternating Weekend (Thursday evening to Monday morning) periods with a weekly stay at the fathers (Wednesday and Thursday evening). The rest of the time will be spent with the Mother. A 'calendar' will be drawn up for each year, but updated every 13 weeks. This will clearly state which parent is responsible for the children on which days (copy attached for information).
4. School holidays will be split between both parents – this will be reflected in the Parenting Calendar
5. During the period that the children are in the care of the alternate parent, no restrictions will be made on either the father or the mother seeing the children, assuming the alternate parent agrees and is not inconvenienced.
6. Child Benefit will be claimed by both parents,
7. Each parent will fund the care, welfare and holidays for the children during their time with them. All other expenses with regard to the children, (including child minding, but excluding any babysitting charges) will be shared equally by the father and mother and they undertake to communicate and cooperate in meeting all extraordinary expenses that may be necessary for the benefit of the children.
8. The home of both the father and the mother will each be furnished as a home for the children. Each parent will clean and take care of the clothes the children wear during their stay with each parent. The children will bring or leave any small toys at either home at their discretion although the parents should undertake to return the items as soon as is convenient. This should not be the responsibility of the children.
9. With regards to medical and dental treatments, except in extreme emergency, decisions will be made mutually. Each parent reserves the right to attend medical appointments with the children regardless of who is responsible for them on that day.
10. The mother and father agree that they will not prevent communication between the children and the other parent by telephone or post during reasonable hours and will always leave a number or address where they can be contacted.
11. The father and mother guarantee that regardless of personal circumstances, they shall always give paramount consideration to preserving the pattern of mutual and frequent contact and parenting in respect of the children. In the event of any future disagreements with regard to the children, the dispute should not become the subject of formal litigation but should be referred to a nonpartisan agency of conciliation, e.g. Relate, National Family mediation Service, Family Mediators Association.
12. Notwithstanding the above, the mother and the father reserve the right to pursue emergency litigation should either have reasonable cause to believe that the welfare of the children is at risk.
13. With regards to new partners, the father and mother both undertake that they will always view each other as the parent of the children and will seek to ensure that this relationship will be protected.

Holidays and Special Events

1. Christmas, Easter and the New Year - Christmas and Easter will operate on a two-year cycle as follows:
The number of days taken over these periods will be up to a maximum of five days incorporating the core days of the 23rd to the 26th December and Good Friday and Easter Monday.

2. Holidays (general) - Either parent can take the children away at any other time with the following conditions:
- That the parent taking the children away clears the dates with the other parent at least fourteen days beforehand.
- As far as is possible no holidays should be taken during school term times
- That all the relevant details are passed to the other parent beforehand.
- That the children are given the opportunity to contact the other parent while away.
- That the children stay with the other parent (as long as this is practicable e.g. before 6.00pm) as soon as they return for at least one night (dependant on which calendar day the children return).
- Holidays beyond fifteen days cannot be taken if the other parent objects.

3. Birthdays - The children's birthdays will be shared by the mother and father regardless of which parent has responsibility on that particular day. Responsibility for arranging birthday parties will be shared by the mother and father regardless of which parent has responsibility on that particular day.

4. Parents birthdays - The children will spend the day with the parent with the birthday regardless of which parent has responsibility on that particular day. It would be nice if the other parent would ensure that the children have access to money to purchase cards or gifts for the respective parent

5. Mothers Day / Fathers Day The children will spend each of these days with the respective parent irrespective of who has care responsibility.

Schooling:
1. All decisions regarding schooling will be made jointly by both parents
2. Any payment due to the school for either child is to be shared equally between each parent.
3. The costs of school uniform is to be shared equally
4. Each parent undertakes to share all information from the school
5. Both parents will be able to attend school functions

After School Activities:
1. Both parents will jointly determine which after school activities the children attend
2. The cost of these activities will be paid jointly by both parents
3. Depending on the dates and times of the activities either parent can collect the children – this will be determined between both parents as to their schedules


Agreement
This agreement has been made between the mother and the father
and is a set of principles by which they each intend to care for their children in a way which preserves the parenting rights of both, and reflects the needs of their three children.

- Father:
Signed: ............... .......................................... Date ..................
Witnessed by: ............... ............................... Date ..................
Witness Signature: ............... ...............................

- Mother:
Signed: ............... .......................................... Date ...................
Witnessed By: ............... ............................... Date ..................
Witness Signature: ............... ...............................

Hi Peter

I do not know what the legal position is on such a document, but I think it is brilliant. The children should always come first. I just wish my husband thought so!

Hi there peterc.
I also am not to sure on the legality issues, but it does sound like an excellent plan. Is this something you have drawn up yourself, or in discussion with your sbtx? How does this work out days wise (50/50, 60/40 or more)?
I am in the very early stages of separation, having only made our joint decision to divorce a few weeks ago (we are currently still living together), and I have been gingerly trying to bring up the subject of co-parenting. We are currently trying a straight 50/50 arrangement (Weds-Sat and Sun-Weds), as I am fortunate that I run my own business and can take pretty much as much time off as I like, although this is sometimes tricky as we live under the same roof. My stbx makes a point on my time with the kids of hanging around so that they have no choice but to interact with her.
Let us know how the discussions go.
Good luck.

Congratulations on a well-thought out "parenting agreement" - I am unsure of the legal aspect also, I suspect that it may not be legally binding, as the Scottish Government have produced a "parenting agreement" that parents (and children) draw up - on a standardised form - this covers all aspects of co-parenting, but isnt legally binding, more a framework that familes who live apart can use as a method of ensuring that the children's interests are always put first, and that both parents are involved fully in the descion-making and care of bringing up their children. My children's father and I have considered such a formal agreement. I have included a link to the information on the Scottish Parenting Agreement, for those who may be interested.
www.scotland.gov.uk/Publications/2006/04/19135817/0

Ruby

I am not sure how much it matters that such an agreement is legally binding. If you have managed to come up with it between you, then you are probably able to continue to co-operate well enough to make it work. I think it is great to state your intentions so clearly, and it is also something that can be shown to new partners to make explicit the continued level of co-operation and the reasons for this.

You might want to put in a clause saying that it is subject to annual review, as things may well change when the children get older and possibly have strong views about where they want to sleep on particular nights. This may just depend on how near your homes are, though, and not matter if you are geographically very close.

Congratulations!

Sadie

Sounds good on paper except the bits about THE CHILDREN WILL SPEND .....etc

I think the word "will" should become "can" as the feelings of the children should be taken into consideration.

As much as I love my kids I would not force them to spend fathers day or my birthday with me if they wanted to do something else.

If the plan was a set of guidelines it is fine. Love and respect is earned not demanded and if you reckon you can control the other parent through the document it is going to feed through to the kids and make things worse.

Let us know how it goes Pete best of luck.

hi all,

thanks very much for your support! - SD you are right ofc - CAN sounds much better than WILL -

We have talked about all of the items in here - and we are near agreement - there are still some things to discuss and resolve like holidays / christmas / easter etc, but i am confident that we can reach agreement.

Timewise it is a roughly 50/50 parental responsibility, but its more about ensuring that we both get regular contact with our children, and we both are not put at a disadvantage with them.

OFC - when she sees the agreement in the cold light of day, it may be more of a shock to her, afterall - we have only talked about it, and not yet formalised it - this plan really does formalise it and sets out the 'framework' of behaviour between us.
cheers