alcohol and children

Anyone help?

My wife is an alcoholic and has been for many years, she readily admits this and has recently been in rehab although she did not finish the programme. Since her return she has been drinking again every day and I have found her return difficult with all the associated behaviour.

On two occasions since her return, one being this evening she has stated that she wants us to separate as she beleives this is the only way for her to acheive sobriety. I think she is trying to deflect her guilt, at drinking again, to me.

She states that she is willing to move out and to give up "everything" to do this, including our two children (aged nearly 7 and nearly 4), although in the cold light of day this will probably change.

I do not particulalry want ot go down this road as I can still see some hope (false, maybe, I know).

My problem is the children and what the courts may decide if we get to a divorce. I would be extremely concerned for their safety if she was granted custody, as after 6 or 7 at night she takes to her bed and cannot be awoken util the next morning.

Can anyone give a likely outturn for who would get custody?

I do intend to speak with a solicitor to asses my options.

Any reply's would be gratefully received.

Brazil
its commendable that you are not ruling out getting your wife help and supporting her
As you say she admits her problem so she is half way there
All to often the symptoms are addressed and not the cause...why does she drnk?
Kids are quite unassuming and that that age probably percieve her behaviour as the norm
Before I left my marriage (and took kids with me then aged 8 and 9) I was drinking too much not alcohol dependent but would have been if i stayed
My kids did notice that i was out or in drunk most nights whilst stll functioning i.e work/house etc..... suppose thinking of them I prompted myself to remove myself from the cause and as he refused to leave I did and I may add not touched vodka since.... had some good nights though but just an old wino now lol
So look for the cause and work on that
In the current situation the courts will do there upmost to do whats best for kids
My ex has never seen kids since last august and not interested in them and never batted an eyelid when i drank at home.... says alot bout him but hey another story
All my very best to you
looby

If your wife is an acknowledged alcoholic who has been in but not completed rehab, then I can't imagine that she would get residency if you are offering your children a stable home. She could then have carefully supervised contact during times when she is likely to be more or less sober. It doesn't look as though she is going to ask for any more at the moment in any case, so don't fight this battle unless it actually happens.

Why don't you let her move out and try to get herself sober, while leaving the door open that she could return if she wants to once she is no longer drinking. You could wait to file for divorce for the moment and see what happens.

Best wishes,
Sadie

Looby,

thanks for that.

Things have progressed rather rapidly since. She left on Thursday and has been the preverbial pain in the you know what since.

The alcoholic behavior is very prevalant at the moment and she is very bitter. She seems to want ot blame me as to why she statred drinking and still drinks.

So the next stop is the solicitors office, if I can pick one that is. Seem like its going to be a nightmare just to do that, al;though I have rung the National Family Law Practice attached to this site and will be receiving a call on Monday.

thanks again.

Sadie,

She's gone and is adamant on Divorce. Given the strife she has given me over the last few days I cannot see any other option working at the moment.

Now its on to choosing a solicitor.

Brazil,

marriage to an alcoholic is no picnic - for you or for the children. In the end you can do everything possible to support them - often to your own detriment - but that will not help unless they can stick with dealing with their own problems.

Unfortunately divorcing an alcoholic also had its challenges as there is a tendency - as you have already discovered - to blame everyone and everything rather than accepting responsibility.

There are a number of us out there who have been there, done that. Do have a search of the site for posts about dealing with alcoholism and depression. There have been quite a few recently. For me, the most important thing is the children - giving them a stable future.

Good Luck with the phone call. Do post questions if you have any more .. and perhaps pop into chat sometime. You are not on your own with this.

HAdenoughnow

brazil ,

I know of many cases all different you can never tell which way it will go in favour of.my friend was a dad ,they bent over backwards to help the mother. SS gave him the baby as she was locked up she fell over with the pram in Nottingham. The baby was a prem baby born swilling in drink. Cut a long story short SS gave her a full package of support , it went pear shapedthe mother got done in Scotland it hit the papers.
My friend has custody the mother gets supervised contact at a relatives house.
Then another mother was accused of a drink problem whilst going through the stress of divorce ,she takes legal advice plays the game, she has not seen her children for over 2 years now. I bet she will not get contact ever reinstated now .

Good luck with this I am not going to judge anyone at all.
I would say blood tests should be made mandatory for the unsupervised contact to children.
What do you say ?