fair arrangement

Thanks to you all. this is very useful
Stillalive, he lives 10 minute away. he does not work at the moment, waiting to get work.

Sexysadie, I don't mind them associating him with fun. this way the serious stuff is left to me, which is much better for the children's future. i am happy to be the one that deals with health education, morals, citizenship and the rest of it. i have been dealing with this since day one. and since he left, the house is much calmer and the children and i have a lot of good times together.
i used to tell the children i dont mind not being 'fun' but that used to upset them, so i stopped saying it. it's just a different kind of fun to what they have with him. If it works out as you suggest, then for the chidlren, it will be the best out of a bad situation.

Mog, my heart goes out to you. i can never do that to him, or to them, no matter what he did to me.
i really appreciate your input. very useful. thanks

How about two fun days?
One for YOU.. when he takes the kids for a whole day, lets say Saturday or Sunday if they have too many sports arrangments or b- partys on Saturday.
And one for the KIDS
During the week after school , back at 6.30 ( he provides dinner) so they can quickly do their homework (or you can arrange that they do it another day or do they have homework every day at their school att this age?)
This might work out for both sides.. you have some breathing space on days where it doesnt matter that things are not done and during the week their fun afternoon results only in you having to do the homework with them?