NRP no maintenance paid yet going on holiday

Hi All,

11you lives with me and visits his mum.
She has never paid any maintenance for our 11yo and is living with a man who pays for everything so she has no official income.

Child Arrangement Order states she has to get my written permission to take 11yo our of the country which she has not done. All she has done is txt me to let me know.

Holiday is booked before asking for April.

I am just so annoyed she can afford to go on holiday yet pay nothing for our 11yo ( she has £100k cash in bank - pending financials, but could very well spend the lot on luxuries by the time a judge decides)

I have £20k in bank and all my income goes on living for myself and 11yo. Funny thing is she applied to court to get maintenance from me ! No other assets.

In my head I'm thinking I won't give permission until she pays maintenance but this could the the bitter me speaking, any opinions on this and my "situation" ?

Does your child want to go away with his mother? If its the bitter you that wants to say no and your child wants to go and you don't believe that he will come to any harm then the only person that you are really going to disappoint/hurt will be your child.

I believe, but I could be wrong that even if you were to say no you would have to have a valid reason and she could go to court to get an order in place to let him go with her.

I completely agree with Funny Farm. This is not about maintenance or finances. Your ex was wrong to book without getting your written consent and whilst you could decline, it would just mean she would need to make an application to court. Do you have a genuine good reason to decline?
If your son wants to go, how do you think he will feel if you try to prevent it?
Put your son first and think what is best for him in making your decision.
I understand what it feels like when your ex indulges in all sorts of luxuries and decides to rub it in your face while you struggle to make ends meet and sit and wait for the CMS to chase the arrears your he/she owes:angry:. BUT please don't make your son a pawn in the financial battle between the two of you.

Obviously, if you do have a genuine concern for his safety and well-being whilst on holiday with his mother, then you are right to withhold the consent.

She stopped working so no CMS has ever been paid and the assessment will be nil. She is effectively stealing money from my son and I and this makes my blood boil !!!

My son wants to go IF her new BF is not going. I will never be told if he's going or not but I highly doubt he will not be going.

11yo came back letting me know of 2 holidays she wants to book while I cannot afford to take him anywhere. Just so unfair and she will get away with it as by the time we get a judges decision all the money will have gone.

I would want some more information before giving consent.
If your son has issues with the BF. Then I would ask who is going on this holiday. If BF is going, I would want o know what the sleeping arrangements will be I.e. Two rooms or one with a sofa bed for the child. I expect your son will not feel comfortable with this arrangement and you needs to relay this back to your ex in writing calmly. Ask the mother to talk to her son and address his concerns about her BF.

With respect I would not ask for all of those details.It may be seen as very controlling and there may be a more productive way of resolving this .If the OP gets involved in every decision that the mother makes with regards to the children this will continue to result in unproductive communication which is not in the long term interests of the children. It might not feel like it now, but it may be time to allow the other parent to make their own decisions about the time they spend with the children.

Maccy2, you are absolutely right and if relations are already strained then the OP could come across as confrontational, obstructive and controlling. In which case he would do more harm than good.

I do not however feel that what the child has expressed should be ignored. If the son feels uncomfortable around the BF and does not want to go on holiday with him, I do think it is important the mother is made aware of this and given the opportunity to discuss the son's concerns openly with him and maybe then he wouldn't feel so uncomfortable and anxious. It could well be that the son has just told his dad that he doesn't want to go if the BF is going because he doesn't want it to look like he is taking sides or having a preference for one over the other etc.

I guess the conversation with the mother would be better coming from the son himself rather than relayed by the father.