Communicating with children

Hi All,

Spouse has applied for Decree-Nisi but we are still living under the same roof, continuing to live our separate lives. However time will soon come when we will be separating with me most likely moving out. We both agree we have prolonged it for too long.

It is my opinion that I should not move out a day after telling the children. I think we should tell the children and then continue to live under the same roof for few weeks for them to get used to the idea and reassure them. Please share your ideas about this? STBX and children will be going away during summer vacations and I think we should tell them before then. I will also join the kids for one week during summer holidays. This will give them some time to the idea of the new circumstances that are coming in not too distant future. Please give some feedback.

Other reason for my post was to request ideas on how to approach this to children. I know it will be ideal but I cannot be 100% sure whether STBX will join me so we could both talk to the children at the same time. She may want to tell children while I am not present. There is nothing I can do about this.

Many thanks.

I think you are right, telling them together as a united front has got to be best. You are then both there to answer any questions they have and to give reassurance that it is not their fault, things will be a little different, but you will both still be there for them. Good luck

Thanks. If she does not join me in this conversation, it should also explain why we are divorcing. Such things keep happening and at times, it gives content to my heart that she wont be in my life forever. Thank you anyway.

Hi, female perspective here. Definitely talk to children together to show united front and that Mum and Dad can still get on and be grown up despite not wanting to be together any more. They need to know they are not to blame and are loved, be as honest as you can, but don't give details as it's not about blame and they will work things out in time. There will be questions after, whilst you are alone and she is alone with children, just be kind and respectful and positive. Time will help and children are really adaptable so long as they know where they stand. Stay in the house for a few weeks and get them involved in looking for a new place and furnishing etc... then they will feel in control and happier. Good Luck!

There are quite a few very helpful articles on talking to children about divorce in our magazine - www.wikivorce.com/divorce/index.php?opti...102&task=section