When to communicate with children

Hi, we have this situation where children are going away to maternal grandparents during the summer holidays 3 weeks from now and will be coming back end of July.

So question for us is whether to tell them now or after they come back from holidays.

I was in favour of telling them now because we will have 3 weeks to calm their fears, clear their doubts and reassure them. Then they will get one month to spend at maternal grandparents and one week at paternal grandparents. I think it will further reassure them that things will be normal. Also, if we tell them in September, it will be in the beginning of the new school year and for our son his secondary school and he is very excited about the good school he is going to. I was aiming to move out of the house end of September or early October.

STBX is in favour of telling them after the holidays mid or end of September and suggests that we should not have very long time to separate after that - a max of 3-4 weeks. She thinks shorter period will help them move over to new reality sooner rather than a prolonged period of almost 3 months.

There is no rush on either of us to tell children and we just want the best for the children. This is not a normal house and children know things are not right between dad and mum but have no clue about separating.

So I ask you to suggest in your opinion which option is better from above : communicating now or later?

Thanks

What are their ages?

11 and 7. Boy will be going into year 8 and girl in 3 in September.

11 and 7. Boy will be going into year 8 and girl in 3 in September.

It's a hard one because I can see the strengths and weaknesses of both options.

What ever you do decide, agree it together, show the children a united front and tell them together if possible.

You both as the parents know your children's maturity and resilience. You know the signs if they are not coping or what they are likely to need from you both.

I take it each respective parent will be with them while they are at their grandparents houses?

It sounds like you both want to do the best for the kids and make it as painless as possible for them. Personally, judging it on my own kids, I would probably tell them during the holidays and the start of term can be quite stressful and intense anyway. But like I said before, it depends on your children and you both know them best. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here. But as long as your approach is child centred, they will be okay.

Yes, we will at our respective parents house when our children visit them. boy at 11 I would say is probably less mature than some of the kids of his age.