Who decides where my daughter lives?

Hi People,

I'm newly divorced but have just entered the first financial hearing which was adjourned.

My ex lives with her mother 100 miles away whilst I live in the FMH with my 13 year old daughter.

My ex wants the judge to force me to sell our 25% equity in our shared ownership house so that capitol is released in order that she can find somewhere to buy/rent 50 miles away from us.

She wants to move out of her mothers house and get a place for her, her 18 year daughter (attending Uni) and the 13 year old daughter thats living with me.

My 13 year old is happy living with me and has expressed to me that she has no desire to be taken away from her friends and home and therefore wants to carry on living with me.

I've told my daughter that she is free to decide what she wants and choose whomever she wants to live with.

Do I need to convince the judge of this and if so, how to I do this so that he does not feel that I've coerced her.

I am representing myself.

Apply for a "Child Arrangement Order" using form C100.

formfinder.hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/c100-eng.pdf

Thirteen year old children have a fair amount of say in where they live and so on. The assumption is that there is no coercion and it's not really your job to prove there isn't any, your ex may feel it's her job to prove there is some so I would not worry about it. Cafcas will get involved and interview both you and your ex and they didn't in my case as it wasn't that serious but if there was some conflict I would imagine they would want to talk alone with your daughter.

Once you have the child arrangements order in place and it's clearly established through you receiving child benefit and maybe tax credits that you are the parent with care the courts primary concern is going to be the child and their primary carers in this case you welfare. Top of that list is housing so if you are not over housed as in you and your daughter have a two bedroom housing requirement so if you were living in a five bedroom mansion then you would likely downsize but if selling the property would mean that your housing was less secure than it is now then I would think it very doubtful the court would want that. In family courts the money follows the children and by extension the children's primary carer. But I would get the child arrangement order in place so as you are not having the argument over who is the child's primary carer in the financial hearings.

The 18 year old is an adult and so is unlikely to feature in this. Orders do get made to support children when they are at university but I think it tends to be when there is plenty of cash around and certainly the CMS wouldn't be interested.

So many Thanks to you for your help so far.
Much appreciated.
Don't want anything from the Ex tbh.....just for me and my daughter to be able to continue living here according to the law.

Ummm....

I just looked at the Link relating to Cafcass C100 and it states that one has to go through mediation.

My ex will not be prepared to do that Im guessing, so is this a non starter?

They try to get you to go to mediation and when I was doing it they made me go by myself to the mediator and pay £90 just to get the form signed saying they had tried to contact my ex and that she had declined to do mediation. It came across as a bit of a scam. I believe they are not as strict now but the best people to ask are the clerks at your local court, they can be really helpful and will answer all your specific procedure questions as they do change.

The clerks are like the court managers and if you get the phone number for your local court they will be the one's who answer and I found them to be really friendly and helpful.

Nobody can stop you going to court, just because you ex doesn't turn up or doesn't reply won't stop a court case and in fact will likely just result in a costs order being made against your ex or worse.

Wow! didn't know I was talking to a chap.
You've gotta have a huge amount of free time to be able to apply yourself here.
I find it a drain looking after my daughter, dealing with the ex's fraudulent state benefit claims done in my name because I've forgotten to close down such, Tribunals, Divorce, struggling to pay my way, looking at the home falling into dis-repair and struggling to cope with massive health issues; and so, for a bit of peace would rather walk away and say 'You win' but people around me spurn me on.

True and true.

It's a fight that's for sure and it's draining but you have avoided a lot of the stress already by not having your ex in the house making fake domestic abuse claims which is what a lot of us have had to put up with on top of it all.

You have all the cards whether you realise that or not you just need to play them in the right order and you will do fine.