Ex restricting communications - what's reasonable?

Hi All,

This might seem a bit silly but I am pretty worried about it so thought I'd share and would appreciate any opinions, thank you!

After a very messy divorce I have a shared parenting arrangement with my ex over our child. Over the past couple of years I have tried to minimise communications between us to SMS texting for just urgent matters (this has been very hard for me to establish but we seemed to have got there) and email for everything else. My ex has an email address created specifically for emails from me, it's not my ex's primary account. Also just to set the background, we're not emailing (or texting) on a daily basis, this is just when there are child arrangement matters that need resolving, and believe me I have long learned the "how would this sound in front of a judge" school of communication.

Today out of the blue I have received a handwritten note from my ex through the door (we do not live close so not clear how it was delivered) stating that my ex now refuses to use text messages or email for communication with me and I have to telephone or write via post.

I am not at all keen to speak to her on the phone as phone calls can be (and have been) misrepresented after the event. Post is going to be really difficult, particularly for some matters which need to go back and forth, eg agreeing holiday dates annually. It seems to me that this is a deliberate ploy to make communication as difficult as possible. What's to say I refuse those two modes of communication then we have a completely childish stand-off?!!

My concern is that if I continue to email or text my ex will play the harassment card and I'll get a Non-Mol served on me in the street (not for the first time...). I also do not want my ex or someone related shoving notes through my letterbox, I find this intimidating. I don't have a solicitor (taken to the cleaners in the financial settlement, sigh..!).

Any advice? Is it reasonable in this day and age to refuse email communication? I'd understand perhaps if my ex didn't want emails to the main email address but it's up to my ex how often the address I use is checked, could be weekly, monthly, whatever. Frankly, to use the lingo I've frequently been on the receiving end of in the Family Courts, I feel like this is "Controlling and Coercive Behaviour" towards me though I'd very much prefer to move on from police and Family Court action where possible.

Sigh... I can't wait till my child is grown up then it can be my child's problem not mine!!!

How childish!
What happens when the child is in your care, has an accident and you take child to hospital. Are you meant to then post a letter to inform the other parent?
I don't speak in person to my soon to be ex, but I text re child arrangement alterations, or anything important he needs to know about child's health or school. Texting is nice and short and to the point
Perhaps it is because she feels you send too many?
I would point out the above scenario to ex and say you will only text if it requires her attention regarding your child and its arrangements.
Good luck

Thanks Under60. It is odd, I don't know what has prompted this change as our comms recently haven't been anything out of the 'frosty' ordinary. Also IMHO I don't feel I send too many messages - in fact I have been the one trying to reduce the frequency of messages as I feel there is a certain amount of attention-seeking going on. But perhaps my ex perceives it all differently. My fear is that there is a plan behind this latest silly demand to go down the set piece DV charity -> police -> Non-Mol -> CAFCASS / custody path again to further reduce my involvement, hence being very careful about how I move forward from what otherwise is just a childish request that I feel warrants being ignored. Or perhaps I'm just getting paranoid! Thanks for your response

Yes, I would be concerned too. Sounds like you are being pushed into a box.
My take on everything in my position is I don't want anything to do with ex at all. I don't care what he is up to, I don't want to talk to him. I wish he didn't exist!
However, we both have made the children, and they want to spend time with both. It's not fair to take out our thoughts on each other on them. They are the innocent parties that need looking after and bringing up correctly.
I have made it clear, after several incidences, that I do not want to communicate face to face, or by telephone, and I just text the important stuff. I do receive unwanted texts from him, but if it does not concern the children, I just ignore them.
It sounds like your ex wants to call the shots, and if you put a foot wrong, you lose the rights to have anything to do with the child. This is very unfair. I don't know how you would right this, but just be the grown up?