What can we do?

I could really do with some advice.
Left my stbx 4wks ago (no affairs or anything like that- I left because of his behaviour towards, and treatment of, me for a long long time)
Anyway, as he refused to go, I gave in and left FMH with our 2 girls.
Childcare arrangements are 3nights with him, 4nights with me.
Ever since I left, he tells me he is moving back to his dads, but every week, he tells me his dad has suddenly changed his mind and won't let him move back there or let kids stay.
Now started to say that he will fight me for 50/50 custody as does not want to pay maintenance (I have already sent him a letter stating that I do not want ANY money from him- he is very unreliable), oh, and suggested that I should be paying HIM money out of my tax credits award (which pays the £700 childcare bill) as he does not have any spending money.

Am I being stupid or his he taking me for a mug? What happens with house though, as I know I left, but I felt I had no choice. He seems to not be prepared to be reasonable. I have pleaded with him to go, and let me and kids move back, but he just keeps smugly saying "Tough, You chose to go", and "The children DO have a home- THEIR home, with ME".
I feel like he is trying to make me out to be a heartless selfish woman who has chosen to uproot her kids. My eldest (7) started saying to me she thought she should be spending 5 nights with Daddy and 2 nights with me. Can he do this? What if he manages to smooth talk everybody into giving him everything he tells me he will take from me?
Is this just classic controlling behaviour?

oh, and he is telling me that I will have to pay off half of his business debts (in his name only)
found out Friday that he has cancelled the mortgage direct debit for 2mths.
I can meet all the household outgoings with my wage and child benefit and tax credits- will this mean I can get back into house?

Hi -
Did he know you were leaving with the kids and was he ok with this at the time and were the arrangements confirmed in writing? Has he only now started making a fuss about this? Also - who looks after the children on a day to day basis (drop off at school - pick them up, cook etc)?

L

No, he let me go at the time, although he was understandably upset. I have sent him a letter and emailed him with suggestions re: finances and kids eg said if he could get mortgage I would take £10k from house, and kids as above. He has never got back to me about it, other than to say his appalling credit history means he can't get a mortgage. Nothing in writing about him going to his dads, other than emails and texts I have which say his stepmum has said he is welcome there, but, and I quote "I don't think my dad really wants me there so I'm not going" (he won't expand on this). It is only in last week or so that he has started saying its tough if I don't like it, its his house (its in both our names). He says his dad thinks he should stay put so I should shut up and put up...
Childcare is as follows- has always been me who drops off and picks up, apart from on the days he would take my car (he left his car untaxed on drive for 8mths saying he couldnt afford to get it on road- although as soon as I left, he got it taxed and MOT'd). Was always me who cooked, washed up, washed their clothes, took them out of weekend, did all household chores, bathed and put them to bed, took time off when girls sick and took time off to accomodate school holidays, end of terms etc (I hope that doesn't sound clinical, I have done every single thing with pleasure for my babies..)
Now, we drop off and pick up on our days, and my parents have always had them one day a week, which they continue to do now. I stay at parents but I cook, clean up after and care for kids as if I was at home. He does same at FMH as far as I am aware.
He does not agree and wants to split the week into 3 days one week and four the next for each parent. Although, I think that our 2 yr old is too small to deal with a constantly changing week, and have said that that is absolutely fine when she gets a little bigger, but for their sake I think they should have something set and simple, but with unlimited phonecalls when girls want, (eg I have said that they must phone him every night before bed to say goodnight when they are with me)

He also keeps asking to change things, for example, wanted me to have kids on one of his days due to a business meeting he had planned, and would have them another day to make up his 3 nights, which I said ok to. But I don't know if I am being right to be flexible, or if it will start to confuse kids. I'm so confused...

Make an appointment to see a Solicitor asap or at least make a phone appointment with the number at the top of the page.

You need to regain control of the situation. You have done the first big thing in leaving but now you have to protect yourself and the children. He will try to continue to control you so you need hard facts as to what can and cannot be done.

Trust me - you will feel much better when you know how empty some of his threats probably are.

Sending you some hope and love xxxx

Sorry - I'm late coming to this.
You migth also want to ring Womens Aid (I know its for abused women but any kind of 'treatment' and control (as you are describing) is abuse - believe me, I've been there and still am sometimes).
Check out their 'freedom' programme - your local office will advise you.
Its a programme you attend that helps you understand the 'control' the empty threats, the crap (and I still get it - I get the 'act' in front of people like the headmaster, the court, welfare, social etc - and then the abuse on text etc)...
But I also agree you need to get a lawyer - and much as collaborative law is cheaper I'd really recommend with a control freak/from what you are saying that you don't do that, speaking from experience.