Question: re Contact Order

I know a bit about the legalities because I've been around too long and listened to a lot of people.

Neither my ex nor I are spring chickens and our children are young adults but we managed to co parent reasonably well. I think the keys to success are flexibility and respect of the other parent's view of the world.

In the past I have worked in mental health and with children and it strikes me that many of the problems with CAFCASS are related to lack of resources and training. Here in Scotland we don't have CAFCASS and the work, which is paid for in the same way as legal fees, is carried out by social workers or solicitors.

I think if your children are youong adults that puts youo somewhere between my generation (late 30's) and my mothers (late 60's) or perhaps not. And if you co-parented well all credit to you. I was 17 when my parents divorced so it wasn't such an issue; I more or less did/saw/drove where I wanted when I wanted. I lived with my mum by choice and then changed to live back with my dad. My brother at 12 wasn't so lucky but again was given a lot of choice - so thus you could also say my parents co-parented well.

My ex doesn't listen to anything and has an approach that is bullying. He often says and continues to do so 'do as I say and all will be well' kind of thing. He made a comment about a year ago perhaps more, that was 'whilst you continue to say no to me over anything, I will continue to make your life absolute hell, you will never escape me because of .....(child) and you will pay'. Alas I had no witnesses bar the child who will now (given the age at the time) have no recollection of it (thankg goodness).

I just thought because we'd agreed something without the courts final tiral/intervention (as you suggest - keeping some control) that it would remain as a final order. Nothing has changed since the order was agreed apart from it appears his personal desire for more and more and more time (I received an email in error from his father earlier in the year intended for someone else which from its wording leads me (and my lawyer) to believe that in fact someone else - grandparents - is pushing for more and more rather than necessarily just him).

I don't think with the situation as it sits at the moment that it is in any way in my childs best itnerests to have more time away from her base - and evidence with the headteacher (where I have not been present) would support that, as would he.

But unless my ex accepts that, what you are implicating is that the court 'could' award him upto 14 days more time. And I would have to deal with the fall-out/impact on my child. That's so very very wrong. I know we have to work within the system that exists. But you know what, the system needs to change and come into today, and the system sucks. Sorry - thats my rant!