fed up with absent parenting!!

Thought I'd share this ...

my teenager decided to "kick off" about going to school etc - threatened suicide (yes I have taken it seriously and he is going to counselling as well) He is at boarding school so they are obviously involved. And we are all trying to find out why son is troubled- other than the obvious in that his Dad has little to do with him and hasn't seen him since last March!

I am even getting counselling on how to counsel my teenager.

Well son contacts x and says he wants to leave school.

X without knowing background says yes he can he sees no problem with it. Son is in middle of GCSEs, would mean resitting the year and going from private to state education. (I have no problem with state education but think it would cause differnet problems as he would stand out)

So I suggest x has son - can't do that as current partner says no and they can't afford him!

then I get:
"You are still as cold hearted as ever. YYY is obviously not happy and you are paying him lip service. As for you sending a letter to my father about how happy you are with your new found family this seems far from the truth."

Interesting ... the letter was your usual round robin that I sent everyone. And as to my new found family they are the one he left!!

Ho hum ... this from the man that has seen his children a total of 13 times in nearly 2 years!

So i replied that he could belive what he wanted and that I am neither interested or affected ...

a bit of a fib but...

Oh dear - I'm afraid I would struggle to offer some objective encouragement at present as am in exactly the same position. I have a 'consultant' father who offers his input via the phone - on his terms and when hes available. I have only just woken up to the fact that I have been aiding and abetting by teaching the kids to respond to his calls like pavlovs dogs!!

I think once divorces are sorted out, theres a real need for family mediation to come in again if necessary to help divorced parents work out how they are going to meet their parental responsibilities with mutual respect for one another and without reliving the awful marriage. Unless people are in the relatively unusual position of a 50:50 parenting split it stands to reason that one parent will do the lions share of the care and the other will get the highlights - both have reasons to be p'd off (the main carer for being saddled with all the care and the NRP for feeling left out of alot of decisions) or we can look on the bright side and say main carer gets the lions share of the time with the kids and NRP can do the fun stuff and have the potentially less conflictual relationship.

The point is the situation needs to work to benefit the kids not to be a rematch of what went wrong in our house series 2, 3, 4 + + +

Its all so darned unnecessary - sorry Im not much help but I feel for you. For what its worth if son stands any chance of getting GCSEs and they are happening this year - cut a deal with school to get him out as much as possible, bribe him and do him a time table - teaching finishes sometime around march doesnt it.

I hear many horror stories

i dont get why we all go through it but we do.

i would do anything in the world for my daughter and though my wife does not want to joint parent that is her decision. i had to introduce a contact book to stop the controlling behavour although for 12 weeks i put up with it.

My wife got a pso and it stated no contact with her 4 days later she was on the phone so some times it is just harder for a parent to believe thier children are ok without them.

I think we need to step back and be possitive tell the dad you want an input then behave responsibly and meet asa family and remember you will allways be a family but just seperated

sx