Legal advice can't be true.....can it??

Need some advice pleeez!

Hope this is in the right section.

About 18 months ago, I discovered my wife was having an affair. I confronted her and she said it was over on three separate occasions. Finally, I suspected she was actually away with her lover when she said she was at a conference. The stress of knowing stuff (and not revealing quite how much I knew) resulted in me having a heart attack while she was away. The hospital telephoned her and she said she couldn't get back before the next day (which was untrue).

Anyways.... we separated after I discovered she was with him and we've been apart for about 14 months. She sought divorce on the grounds of 'Unreasonable Behaviour' saying she had not been having an affair (even though she admitted it to me) and that I had blamed her for my heart condition which she denied.

I contacted a solicitor (had to be on legal aid) and told her I was willing to a divorce but on infidelity. My wife refused. I have now told my solicitor that the reasons she presented are totally false and if necessary, I would be happy to fight them personally if Legal Aid does not allow her to defend them.

This morning, I received a letter from my solicitor saying that I should just accept it as if I fought it, even a tiny bit of truth would find in her favour and I would be hit with considerable legal bills.

This can't be true. She can't just go to court with a total pack of lies and I just have to agree otherwise I have to pay costs???

Sadly for whatever reason the marriage is over and there is no point in running up legal costs arguing about the reasons. What you can do is agree the marriage has irretrievably broken down but disagree with the allegations.

Hi,

I am no solicitor and have only a little bit of experience and knowledge from personal experience and could be wrong.

BUT, if she is on legal aid too, your solicitor I think could write and say that you would agree to a divorce on the basis that she committed adultery with an unamed person and that you will not hold up etc etc the divorce.

You could say that it's a waste of (her) legal aid to force you to defend or contest whatever the terminology is) when you will agree to a divorce amicably on the grounds of her adultery.

If you really wanted to push it, you could ask for her legal aid number and say you will report her for wasting public funds?

Hope that makes sense.

That wouldn't work Chezzie, withdrawing funding on the basis of an allegation which is denied would be against public policy.

Where adultery is denied, it is always open to the Petitioner to alter the grounds to unreasonable behaviour based on inappropriate relationships. The grounds can be denied by the Respondent but the divorce can go ahead if no defence is offered.

In the case of adultery, sexual intercourse between a man and a women has to have taken place. If defended the court has to find one way or another. If the court finds that it did not take place, the Petition will be dismissed.

Adultery should only be used if the Respondent admits to it.

Charles

This is where the whole divorce thing in the UK becomes a nonsense. One party commits adultery and then has the afront to seek divorce on the basis of the unreasonable behavior of the other citing as one reason that they have been falsely accused of having had an affair.

If it was me and I had a couple of hundred pounds to spend I would represent myself.

I would deny the allegations in the acknowledgement and state you will defend.

I would issue a separate Petition claiming unreasonable behaviour on her part on the basis of an inappropriate relationship which caused you much upset and stress leading to a heart attack.

What I expect the outcome to be:
Your soon to be ex will drop her petition and let yours proceed. You will still end up divorced but at least the truth will come out.

I don't agree with the legal position presented by the lawyer in the letter. For one thing, the lawyer that drafted her position should have contacted you and attempted to agree the basis for the divorce. To proceed on the basis of inaccurate information could get them into trouble. It is not up to the lawyer to prove who is lying, but they should know better than proceed with an action that is guaranteed to cause upset and friction.

The only way you will incur costs is if you use a lawyer. Do it yourself! Have a look on here.

I do suspect though that her petition contains more than just that you accused her of having an affair. I would guess it says that you did somethings that casued her upset. It is really impossible to defend against somebody saying that they felt belittled or un-loved because how can you disprove their feelings.

So your first step is to write to her lawyer, tell her that you are self representing and unless the following allegations which are false are removed from the petition (then list the ones that really piss you off)you will defend and cross petition and seek costs against her.

But it is pointless trying to stop the divorce and as you are separated why would you.

The best solution in this case would be for the parties to agree to wait until two years are up and go for two years separation.

Thanks for the help guys.

No she isn't on legal aid. We moved down to the South because she got a massive promotion. I had to get rid of my own business (worked for myself) to move down here. So she is a high earner and since we separated her company (a big charity) have paid the rent on her central london flat, as well as her council tax, telephone, electricity etc. Because I had a heart attack and subsequent depression when the marriage broke down, I am not working now.

She cited three or four things;
1. Me saying she was having an affair (tons of proof and its still going on)
2. Me saying she was responsible for my medical condition (qualified by my GP and cardo consultant who indicate that my heart condition was brought on by stress at exactly same time as break down of marriage).
3. My unreasonable behaviour in not having a job (totally dismissing my self employment and having to look after my son while she was away five days per week).
4. Lack of trust and spying on her. She had an affair for 6 months before we married which she admitted to. I knew she was having an affair for three months during the breakup which she admitted to. So I was trying to get proof and did get tons of it.

Please don't misunderstand - I am happy in fact ecstatic to divorce her but the fact I am told to effectively lay down and let her walk all over me by telling lies is unbelievable to me.

Hi Cullers,

Sounds like you're having it tough (OK that's an understatement)

However - YOU know the truth, you don't need the divorce paperwork to prove what happened.

Its not lying down or being a push over - you get the divorce which is what you want.

Save your energies for the battles (which may come) to sort out the other stuff.

If you attempt to contest the divorce, it will cost more, be more time consuming and could be detrimental to your emotional and overall health as well.

You could acknowledge that you agree to the divorce, but deny the allegations of UB.

Keep your strength to focus on you and your future. You deserve better.

Hugs

WR