tricked by girlfriend

Little did I know that my life was about to be ruined when I started seeing my house mate in last November (a month after she moved in the house). At the beginning of the relationship, she said she didn’t want a long term relationship. After a while, she told me that she was 42 (12 years older than me) and it was impossible for her to get pregnant because she said her sisters had miscarriages in their first attempts (plus she was too old and never had a pregnancy before). So, I believed that she wasn’t able to get pregnant, but in case, I used protection between her 13-23 cycle days.

However, she missed her period in February. I asked her to take a pregnancy test. She refused it, but when I insisted she took the test and it was positive. She had her last period on 16th January. Her next ovulation was between 26-30 January and I was abroad between 24 Jan - 07 Feb.

I am so confused. Although she said she wasn’t able to get pregnant, she is now pregnant and there is a possibility that I am not the father (because I was abroad when she got pregnant). What’s more, she never asked me if I wanted to be a father. She only asked me whether I was going to raise the baby with her or not. I told her that our relationship was only 3 months old and it was too early to make such a decision. I also said to her that I wasn’t ready to be a father, but she said abortion was not an option for her and she was going to give birth whether I want the baby or not. So, I left the house couple of weeks ago (a month after I learned that she was pregnant)and we are not talking to each other any more.

My friends know the situation and they all think that she tricked me, because she was getting old and she wanted to have a baby and a partner (potentially an idiot who will work like a dog and bring money home, such as ME!) before it was too late for her. I am not 100% sure that it’s my child, but I’m 100% sure that she will claim money from me and try to get as much as she can from me (of course, if she can prove that it’s my child).

I know that I have made a mistake by believing her lies, but I really trusted her (because I was stupid enough to love her). I am wondering if there is someone who can help me or give me some advice about what I can do about this problem.

Thanks

Hi

It is possible it could be your child , she could ovulate twice per month for all you know and have periods that are all over the place it has been known , all of us woman are very much diff and a 28 day cycle is not often the norm, think your gonna have to wait til baby is born to do a DNA test .

If this is your child then what your gonna do you have to have some form of an ok relationship with the childs mother that means talking .Ok the child was'nt planned but its happened and if in doudt always use protection.

Hi adamantan

I agree with angel - there are all sorts of possibilities here. You said:

...there is a possibility that I am not the father (because I was abroad when she got pregnant.

Sorry to state the obvious but, if you were abroad when she got pregnant then there is no possibility you are the father. The issue appears to be that you don't know exactly when she got pregnant and it's highly unlikely yet that she knows either.

I have to say - you seem to be making some huge assumptions about your ex partner and that may be due to how you are feeling right now. I do think you're being extremely hard on her though.

In any event, as angel says - if you are the father then you have some decisions to make. There is probably little more you can do now until the baby is born but it wouldn't hurt to keep a line of communication open between you... just in case.

Shezi

Few women have a 28 day cycle so it is possible you are the father. no contraception is 100% safe apart from abstinance (not having sex at all).

You are being very unfair by accusing her of being unfaithful - the only way to be 100% positive is to do a DNA test after the baby is born.

Sorry to sound harsh but you are not a teenager so know the repercussions of having sexual relations. She could even be in peri-menopause which means that her ovulation cycles could well be all over the place.

It may not be what you had planned, you dont have to marry her or indeed have a relationship with her but if the baby is yours it would be in the babys best interest tohave some sort of relationship as parents. Child support is not for the mother - it is for the child.

As for her tricking you into becoming a father, only she knows that. She may well have been shocked at finding out she as expecting but having thought about it realised that yes this could be her last chance of becoming a mother.

Dont be too hard on her until you know the full facts.

If you don't use contraception every time you have sex, pregnancy is always possible.

Relying on someone's supposed cycle for when they are ovulating is not a reliable method.

Known many women get pregnant trying to rely on calender method, ovulation is 14 days before the period, and many women have cycles of varying lengths. Add to that sperm can hang around for up to 7 days, it really didn't matter whether you were abroad or not.
Never trust a woman - or man either who says they're infertile unless you are willing to take the risk that they could be lying, added to that a condom is best for added protection from possible infections.
Daisygreen

Trick or not. It could be yr child. I am not sure if she tricked you at all. The method of contraception that you used was suspect. There is no way that you can know when she is fertile or not and sperm lives in the body for upto 7 days. Therefore if she had sex with someone else within 7 days of having sex with you it could still be yr child.

I dont think you can say that at 42 she is too old. That age is nothing as regards giving birth is concerned. But the fact remains that this could be yr child and you have a responsibilty towards him or her. You should do the decent thing and support her during her pregnancy and beyond. However, if you are unsure that you are the father I would request a DNA test. If she is certain that you are the father she will give this willingly. I know its tough but thats the way it is. C.