Ex and co habiting with girlfriend

My Stbx and I live in Scotland. We were 33 years together and 25 years 11 months married.
He was having an affair but stayed at his parents initially for 1 month prior to moving into his girlfriends home full time.

We are due in court in a few weeks and he is claiming he is paying rent to his mother for 3 days per week and rent to his girlfriend for 4 days of the week. He is not registered at living in either home and his mother is in receipt income support benefits and pays minimum housing and community tax.

Although I know he is not living with his parents his mother has been cited as a witness and I''m assuming she will tell the court he is paying her money and living with her 3 days per week but surely that is an extremely difficult situation to put herself in as I''m sure the benefit fraud team would take this very seriously.

He is trying to claim he is "sofa surfing between both homes. He claims the relationship is in early stages still (they''ve been lliving togetherfor about 18 months now. I know the girlfriends money has nothing to do with the divorce but the are now benefitting from sharing all household bills in her home.

Also the expenses put into the court show he is in "red" every month, and some of his expenditure is ridiculous.
I have evidence in form of his payslips showing he is paying £500! A month into his credit union yet not declared on his form. He has also had several expensive holidays and weekends away and again did not declare. He claims things are so bad he has had to borrow from his girlfriend and mother and is trying to pay them back.
He has immediate access to his savings of over £25000 and has credit cards in his name with 0% interest still on them and with about £13,000 credit available on them
I received a CETV for his pension but it looked like someone had Taken an ink roller over majority of it except the CETV value. I''ve contacted the pension provider who assures me that was not how the copy was sent out to him but unless he signs a mandate I can''t get a copy.
I''m at my wits end trying to get this man to sign or agree anything. He won''t sign off my life insurance, he has been asked to confirm things such as amounts in savings accounts at time of separation, can we force him to give us a signed mandate so an actuary or IFA can look at the pensions, but again no response.
I''m disabled, I am now being asked to obtain specialist reports on my condition, Ive had a list of all medications (morphene, diazepam are just a few) and an in depth letter from GP stating the specialists I have attended, confirmed the diagnoses from rheumatologist, pain clinics, orthopaedic consultants, physiotherapists etc.
I''ve been told that my ex and his lawyer won''t accept that and I have to provide specialist reports. My lawyer has confirmed it is better to have a specialist report done but the NHS waiting list is really long so I have to make a private referral with a specialist.
Honestly the stress has impacted so much on my health.
Anyway my lawyer just seems to want to agree a settlement but my Stbx last offer was 42% to me and 58% to him saying if I want more available cash that''s what he thinks is acceptable.
I can''t get a mortgage in my name because I''m not working so will have to buy a property outright for myself and my children.
My lawyer is more interested than getting a settlement than going to court which given cost I totally understand but at the moment I''m paying for surveyors reports, maintaining property, I''ve had to pay for medical reports from GP, Copies of letters between pain clinic and GP and now I''m going to have to pay for private referrals at a specialist and occupational therapist.

Am I entitled to claim back any of these costs from my ex?.

Would I be better off allowing a court to decide on financial matters?

Does the fact my ex has submitted documents which are not true have
any impact with the court (he is a police officer)

Does my ex have to sign a mandate allowing me access to the pension information (ie so I can have an actuary report carried out or to get advice from a pension advisor?)


Any advice would be appreciated
Thanks

Hi Rachel49,

Hello.

Firstly, never loose sight of a Police pension, not for the length of service he has as well as the your length of marriage.

You have to weigh up all your assets. Everything that has been accrued from date of marriage to the date of official separation. I was in a similar situation to you with a Firefighters pension in the mix. My X tried hard to have it all, but I never lost sight of the fact that it was a very valuable asset.

I ended up in a 4 year plus Court battle, it''s not easy, it''s not for the faint hearted and it costs money, so you need to take into account all your assets and work out if your Solicitor just wants an easy life or do you go down the Court route? My X in-laws split up (both Police officers) and they were ''advised'' to make things as amicable and find a resolution before it got to Court. I am sure your husband would not want his dirty laundry aired in a family court if he can help it! Especially if he is a police officer!

Your Solicitor is entitled to gain a copy of his CETV pension details from your local council/ governing body. Your STBX can not conceal it from you. I can not understand why this is a problem? I had no issues with this.

If your children are under 16 then their welfare will be priority in the eyes of the Court.

Maybe some other wise Scottish wiki will come along and give you some good procedural/legal advice, I just wanted to say, don''t roll over and remember you are entitled to a fair share of your assets. Any rash decision you make now may have a real impact on your future and it is your future you are trying to secure, fair and square.

It does end all of this, but don''t leave yourself nor what you put into your marriage go unrecognised. Sometimes the ''threat'' of Court is enough, it''s amazing how many 11th hour resolutions can be made by Solicitors when a day and time has been given. Have courage to see this through.

Take care for now FoS x