Not wanting to see mum

I made the decision to ask my x2b to leave for several reasons, including the fact that he had a drink problem. He had contact with the children who are 1,3,5,9 & 11 yo for about 5 months but on his terms and not as much as the children really needed. He has now withdrawn contact indefinetly & I face trying to explain it to the children. I am at odds as to what I tell them.

Knowing how strong minded my eldest 2 children are I can see how hard it must be to know what to do for the best. I guess if their mum wants contact with her daughters but they are not willing that pushing the issue may make more trouble than it would build bridges.

You don't say whether she is getting help for her alcoholism. Maybe you could suggest that she writes to them, then they may feel at some point they wish to read her letters; they may be able to understand where her life is at the moment and may feel able to tell her what they are doing. I think that if some channel of communication can be kept open with children of their age then there is a way back. Unfortunately I feel that at least for my younger children it may be too late if he doesn't choose to have contact soon.

I hope that you can find the answers you and your daughters need.

Sarah

The suggestion of the letters may at least keep a form of contact for now. I'm sure it does x more harm than good when she tries to call them and they refuse to talk to her.When i first started down the route of divorce 2 1/2 years ago it was to try and get her off the drink so she could at least have her 2 girls but the booze is stronger than even the pull of 2 children.
Richard

It is hard to accept that alcohol (and heavy gambling in the case of my x2b) has a stronger pull than that of being active in the lives of your children. Every day my children do something; even if it is to say a new word or get a star at school that makes me smile and know why I love my kids so much. It hurts me to think that my x2b may never have this feeling because of his addictions. I stayed with him for a lng time but like you, there comes a point when you have to say "no more" and say "enough is enough". I am sure in time your girls will be able to move on and maybe at some point in the future want their mum back in their lifes, until then you just need to be there for them and try and offer frank, truthful information with regards their mum. I hope the idea of the letters maybe a way in.

Sarah

Or as in my case dad disowned and dumped his kids heartbreaking though it is it is fact.
What gives any parent the right to decide whether kids have them in thier lives,....it should be the childrens choice and in my case they have had no say and will probably blame me when older for leaving... so i hope you all maintain as much contact as humanly possible within the boundries of safety and the welfare of the innocent parties i.e the little ones
looby