'Going rate' for Dad's time with children

It is really refreshing to see men wanting their Kids my OH is the opposite. I am having to force him to have them! He doesn't seem to want our 13 year old at all as he(13) is rather angry and bitter and doesn't hold ack from telling Dad what he thinks.

Has even gone as far as saying by text to me: "I won't have K if he continues to speak to me like that - I don't care if he hurts or not!" and has said that when my son goes to boarding school in September (sons choice) OH and his girlfriend will willing have our 6 yr old daughter to live with them.

How it makes my blood boil - keep going Dads some of us are reasonable - we just hurt too!

"I'm trying to get kids ( 7 & 10) on a 50/50 basis with regular EOW and Monday/Wednesday nights."

There's a contradiction! 50/50 would be something like one week on/one week off or 3 days one week and 4 days the next. EOW and Monday/Wednesday nights would be approx 35/65.

I think you mean shared residency which is any time sufficent for the child to perceive they have two homes. Apart from *some* history of shared care the reality needs to be that the child has a strong attachment to both parents and is happy and confident in both homes. There should be familiarity with both homes and a sense of belonging in each. Usually a relative "fluid" passage between both homes and school is required so there should be a real proximity of the homes and to school.

This is seen in context of a welfare checklist used to decide Children's Act Section 8 applications. This takes account of the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child concerned; their physical, emotional and/or educational needs; the likely effect on him of any change in his circumstances; sex, relevant background and any characteristics; how capable each of his parents is of meeting their needs.

Good luck Ian - at least you are still seeing the kids; it's amazing how easy mothers withdraw that to get their own way and make you fight throught the courts (and they are very easy to delay my bf's ex has strung out a decision since November by being uncooperative he has seen just one of his 3 children for 45 minutes in the last 10 months!!!!)

Hang on in there Ian - kids need both parents!!!! Even if the parents no longer need each other!!!

Here Here or Hear Hear (cant think which it shud be at mo!! )Julie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I totally agree with you!!!!!!!!!

Kind ones
Louise

You mean *some* mothers. Let's not forget that *some* fathers withdraw as well and there is no legal redress for those mother's to fight to enforce contact and share the burden of childcare.

I don't think polarisation of positions is useful. The way I see it is on divorce/separation the family "system" breaksdown and often the situation is characterized by unclear or distorted communications, lack of understanding or empathy, or blatant overreactions, and the stresses escalate into crises.

This is usually complicated by ex-spouses viewing each other more negatively than they actually are and often by friends, relatives, new partners, lawyers and mental health professionals taking on the dispute as though it's their own. People get angry, but most often it's a secondary emotion that covers up more primary feelings of hurt, fear, humiliation, loss, abandonment, and powerlessness. All sorts of threats ensue - withdrawing contact or financial support; to keep the house, the business, all the assets etc. Thus starts a cycle of provocation and retaliation which is so detrimental to any children involved.

Blaming each other doesn't resolve matters, it just causes resentment and resistence. In my experience it's much better to remain detached and assert needs and how to get them met. Knee jerk reactions will achieve nothing. What's needed are clear business like responses.

Very pleased to hear the news from the Guardian posted on here, so all you dads out there that do want contact, dont lose hope.

Seeing my children being born was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and to be suddenly faced with separation from them out of force rather than want would be to diffcult to even begin to describe.
Its hard enough not sharing everyday life with them never mind having no contact at all.
However, I am fortunate as me and the little man (well maybe not so little now) have been living togther for nearly a year now. Some are not so lucky, DownButNotOut for one.

I'm afraid that where my children are concerned I could never be able to remain detached and to assert business like responses, but hey thats just me and my opinion:)
I too would fight through the courts, the way those men have.
The crying shame of it all will be that it all took several years and all that time the fathers missed out and so did the children.

I have just got my ex to agree (in principal) to SR without "much" of a struggle. Once she saw beyond the £ signs & I presented her with several A4 sheets of how we could work it , she did become quite receptive towards the idea. We have booked another mediation session to get help on sorting it all out properly, so fingers crossed it,ll all come out ok. So chuffed its unbeliveable !!!

Dobbs