Children''s school ... Help!!!

Hi everyone, and thank you in advance for all advice greatly received.

Divorced father here who shares parenting with ex wife 50/50. Unfortunately and very sadly we don''t agree on schools for both children. One 8 and the other 11. Eldest is about to sit entrance exam for school in a few weeks and it is coed which is great. My ex wife will not agree to send our youngest child there too in future years, reserving the right to see if she has different educational requirements. Both of us have very busy work jobs and posing additional logistical pressures on drop offs and school activities in my mind is madness. It''s a great school and most outsiders would agree that it would be a suitable school for most children.

If they were to go to separate schools and I had to do pick ups drop offs on the days they are with me, my employer really would not agree to me getting into work at 10:30 and then leaving at 3pm in order to pick them both up from the different schools. Whereas, should they attend the same school it would be amenable with my employer and not so much of a logistical nightmare.

On 6 separate occasions I have requested we go back to our legal mediator but she refuses to go. No explanation, just radio silence every time I mention seeking help to resolve via mediation.

So, should my eldest get an offer to the school after the entrance exam is there any way I can realistically get the courts to influence the school my youngest attends?

Thank you everyone so so much.

Jamie

Hi Jamie, and welcome to Wikivorce; my first suggestion would be that you don''t use your real name here - if you have done - as anyone can read this, and will.

I can''t really see a court ordering this. As your ex says, your child may well have different educational requirements and may fail the entrance exam; a court - if it came to that - would rule according to what it believed to be the best interests of the particular child. Unfortunately if parents choose to separate - which is a relatively recent option not widely available to our ancestors - there is a price to be paid and we may have to make sacrifices, such as moving home or changing jobs. Whatever happens, you will be expected to attempt mediation before a court will take on this dispute, and it will probably be better to come to an agreement than have a solution imposed on you.

Hello Jamie, and Welcome to Wikivorce.

A few observations;

There is no guarantee that your younger daughter will pass the required entrance exam, so surely you and your ex would a Plan B in case she doesn''t pass?

I think your ex has a point finding out what your younger daughter''s educational requirements and needs are - your children are separate entities, and not a collective being with the same needs and abilities so while one school suits one child, it may not suit another.

The scenario you are worrying about is some 3 years away - in the meantime your children will be attending different schools anyway.

Hi I agree with what has been said there is no point putting pressure on either of your children to pass the entrance exams and ultimately it is where your children are going to be happy with friends etc I agree with your ex your youngest may not be able to pass the exam no two children are the same and I think having a plan B and a Plan C D and E are required

Thank you everyone for there replies. I fully agree that the children''s interest are at heart here and foremost their happiness and requirements are fulfilled. The fact of the matter is that the school is amazing and I ponder what other school could be better for both of them. My ex wife went to a posh girls school and frankly wants the status symbol that her daughter will do the same. And the school she attended, let''s say it is very focused on academic results and not the nurturing side, nor well roundedness of the coed school I am proposing.

Thanks J

I dont think anyone is disputing that you believe the school to be a good one.

You asked if "should my eldest get an offer to the school after the entrance exam is there any way I can realistically get the courts to influence the school my youngest attends?" The answer is not in the way you hope - the Courts have no power to order a school to accept a pupil but they can make a decision as to which school a child will attend if the parents are unable to agree. The time to make any application isn''t now but when and if your younger daughter passes the required entrance examination for that school. If she doesn''t pass, the Courts cant make an order stating that she is to attend that school. The Courts won''t even consider an application for that scenario now.

My advice is to think about a Plan b (and C and D as Driven suggests), relax and don''t put pressure on your younger daughter - allow her to be the child she is; and most importantly, open up constructive and healthy communication with your ex - ask her what she would suggest as an alternative school.

Jamie relax mate. You are worrying too much things might change before your youngest goes to big school. Hard I know as I''ve been in the same situation.

My ex didn''t consult me at all about my eldest daughters school but ultimately it was the school I would have preferred anyway.
My youngest daughter is going up to YR 7 this year and has by her choice stated a preference for a different school as her best friend is going. It will also cause me logistical nightmares as the schools are across town from each other!
Wasn''t consulted again but I expected that from ex but if my young daughter is happy with her choice I''m happy too