Child Access Question

We all still live in the matrimonial home.

The stuff my X2B is doing is what I have observed.
My 16 year old is keeping out of it completely. My 11 year old only says and does with me what my X2B tells her that she can.
Also, every conversation I have with my 11 year old is relayed word for word almost back to my X2B by my daughter. She is currently my X2B's little puppet.

I am doing my best not to say anything about anyone but just be normal and supportive - but its difficult.

What can I do to ensure I get full and fruitful access to both my girls through mediation / courts. Should I mention all the stuff my X2B is doing to my 11 year old?

Still desparate:(

I'd say concentrate on the nuts and bolts of actual parenting rather than what your x2b does or the symbolic issues of rights, equality, and fairness.

"Fear of loss is the path to the dark side."
Yoda, Star Wars

Hi Sarah
Thanks for your advice. I understand where you are coming from but I am torn as to what to do. She has a wicked temper and part of me knows that she doesnt treat the kids as I would expect or hope. When we were all together it was far easier for me to 'defuse' any situation and make sure they were pysically 'safe'. The biting incident I hope will not happen again as she knows how I feel about the situation. However, I still dread the day when her 'quick temper' gets the better of her and she does actually cause them harm which will result in medical treatment. Its a difficult one to call, really difficult as nothing can be proved until it actually happens, but at the same time I dont want anything to happen!!.
She is doing a good job herself at turning the kids against her. When your 5 year ols son says that his mother is a liar there is not much you can actually do or say. I just try and give them the love and support they are obviously missing at 'home'.
I can understand why they never want to go back. We have such a good time when we are all together and on the whole are well behaved. But as usual my interpretation of well behaved is totally different to hers. My son once said that I was nice because I never shouted at him. That when he did something wrong I always told him off but in a nice way.
Once again thanks for your advice and help

Fiona

You are right, I have to ignore everything else, the intimidation etc.. and just be there for the children when they need me.

Your Yoda quote arrived the same time as a conversation I was having with my sister. The reason I feel like sxxt is because I care so much for my kids and fear losing them and so have become extra sensitive to everything.
I took a decision that I can't control the outcome of the divorce so all I can do is be there and ride it through and not worry about the outcome but learn to live with it. And if that means very limited time with my children then that is the way it will be.
Once you change your mindset this way things become a little easier to cope with

Thank you for your support