When will it all end and how....

Hello

I am female, 50, on the Autism Spectrum and a respondent in a divorce initiated due to various health issues that have meant that I allegedly cannot fulfil all my marital 'duties'.

We haven't been marreid very long.

All my life since a teenager, I've suffered with various mental health issues that have recently led to an Autism Spetrum diagnosis, which explain a great deal about my life to date and in some respects, is a bit of a relief.

My view is that a divorce should be an acknowledgement by both parties that the marriage isn't working and it's time to go separate ways so why does one party feel the need to completely assasinate the other?

We are doing voluntary financial disclosure at the moment. I have been accused of 'stealing' my OH divorce settlement from his last marriage because he put the money into my name for tax reasons. I always gave him access to the spreadsheets and sent regular text messages and emails updating him with the funds balance and what funds were used for.

I have already made an offer to buy him out but he is not going anywhere without his full 50%. I have my young son to support who is also on the Spectrum.

I thought it would just be a matter of each party going back and forth until a figure was agreed but he has now enlisted the help of a friend who has helped to write a character assasination of me (his words) to prove that I am of bad character. I'm not sure what he thinks this might add to his 'case' but I'm both very sad and angry about this as I have a strong personal moral compass and would never do anything that wasn't fair or just (it's difficult for people on the Spectrum to do anything else anyway).

In getting this done, he has passed much of my personal information to his friend so that she can write this letter for him. I consider this an invasioons of privacy. A few days ago when he didn't realise I was in the house, I overheard him telling this friend that my life insurance that I have to cover me on death does not cover me for various conditions that I've had in the past. Again, this is personal information that I don't think he should be disclosing. I believe he got in touch with the original insurance broker to find this out so I'm peturbed that the broker also gave out this information!

I currently suffer with anxiety and depression, panic attacks and have meltdowns if OH tries to say anything to be (we are still living in the same house). When I heard about this character assasination that he is now building, it just finished me off and I really just don't want to carry on any more.

I thought that (if it got to court) the courts weren't interested in what has gone on before in somebody's previous life and relationships, illnesses etc. I thought they only considered things like serious violence (of which there has been none on either side).

His friend wrote an email for him that he sent to me as though it had come from him. It stated that I had had a 'tantrum' when I came home ill from work to find an estate agent in the house valuing that had been organised without my knowledge! This was even before he'd issued proceedings. In actual fact, I collapsed, my heart was racing and I went a bit delirious. It has happened again since than and paramedics had to come.

OH dismisses all my health issues and says that I have brolught them on myself. That he wishes he had the 'luxury' of a nervous breakdown and that because I don't let god into my life, I will never recover.

I walks around the house speaking in 'tongues' and shouting about blood.

I can't cope any more. Nobody can help.

Please somebody - is he now going to get everything because he has decided to 'bare all' about my past life and relationships and mental health problems!?

I have no peace

Welcome to wikivorce but sorry you find yourself here. You will find help here and maybe others who share your experience.

I think many of us are well aware of what it is like to have our characters ripped apart by bitter exes. I am afraid it is very common.

You are quite right that behaviour is rarely a factor in financial settlement. It sounds like you have a thorough account of all your financial dealings which is good. Are either of you represented by a solicitor? Have you tried mediation? Remember abuse isn't necessarily physical.

As to who gets what, finances on divorce are based on needs first. Various factors are also taken into account such as ages, length of marriage, childten, incomes etc.

You say you haven't been married long. How long is it? Did you cohabit beforehand?

Did you buy the house together? What did you each contribute? What is it worth? How big is the mortgage?

Spend a bit of time reading up on divorce and financial settlement. There's lots of information on the site. We also have various divorce and finances services that may be helpful including one where you can get a legal opinion on a fair settlement. You can ask as many questions as you like here and we also have a free helpline.

Some people find it useful to write a blog on the site. This can help get your feelings out and is also a great way to see how far you have got.

Hadenoughnow