Marital home settlement

All things being equal I think your wife is quite possibly a little deluded if she thinks offering you 10k to simply shipped off is going to work.
Is your name on the deeds/mortgage, of it is not then you need to register your interest in the property with the land registry.
The usual advice and this applies very much to you is DO NOT MOVE OUT.

You inheritance from your grand father is not garanteed, he could leave it to a dogs home so you can't factor that in.

It would be worth concidering mediation, although it does sound at the moment that there is too much hostility and you need to let the situation cool down a little before suggegsting that.

LB

yes, the house in in joint names, the mortgage is in joint names...the only discrepency, was that she owned a flat when we got together and that was always in her name...and we took equity out of it and eventually sold it to pay deposit and pay down the capital on the house(we were married when this happened....

In fairness I more than paid the mortgage on her flat when we lived in it with my contribution for more than 3 years...

I think her anger is down to realisation that things aren't what she imagined. We had a huge row the other day however because she saw match.com on my laptop history.

As it goes, I am not interested in finding anyone else and it was more just clicked through on an ad out of curiosity how these things work...I wouldn't use internet dating if I were single...but she got very upset, saying what if I'd done that...and of course had she, i would have been upset...but thats because I dont want to split up. Her response was it inappropriate..."perhaps 6 months down the line". As she said "never in a million years" re changing her mind and "you've got to move on" it does seem a tad strange, especially as she has got past "I'm not in love with you, to I dont love you. A dagger in the heart

As I say, it was actually nothing in it...but shows how unreasonable she is.... she thinks she can tell me "I dont want you, there is no chance we can fix this, you have to accept it, but how dare you think about another woman"???

Itsw been hard on her, but no harder than on me the last 3 years...things affected my marriage, but my feeling is, my marriage wasn't to blame...

Yes, well it often happens like that I'm afraid. No, I don't understand it either.

I dont intend to be the norm, in terms of our situation... I am actually more resolved to saving my marriage as a result of your very kind replies...but I am armed if i fail with very very good advice

SWLB

I truly hope that you do manage to save your marriage.

Some thoughtful and kind discussions and some counsel from friends you trust may go along way to help you both.

It seems to me from what you post that difficult life circumstance and embedded fears and thoughts have come to separate and distance your ability to act as a couple.

It sounds as if your wife has had aspirations and expectations (which I believe you also largely agreed with) which have somewhat fallen short of the model she has had in her head along the way.

At the time of my split (which I now see as a good thing but didn't at the time - not my choice) I had set ideas in my own head about marriage (mostly that it was a contract of support and love for each other - actually 99% me supporting him when I look back).

Actually, I rather wish that someone had been able to crack into my very delusional thoughts - so many of my friends and my parents did attempt it over the years.

For me it was the undying belief that if you helped and loved someone enough that eventually they would show you the sort of respect and love that you gave them in return.

Live, I realise now is not always like that.

Understanding that things change and don't always (in fact often) do not turn out as you think or expect is a great lesson to learn. Putting yourself in someone elses shoes and trying to think about the others feelings is something we should perhaps all attempt more often.

I have my fingers crossed for you, your wife and your son.

Take care.

Things have moved on since my last message.

We went to a family mediation assesment which just ended up in a huge row in the car on the way home.
I was told i was destroying her financial situation by insisting on 50%(Actually I simply stated the legal position as she's never really put forward an offer, in truth she wants to cover her cards and see mine.

She is now on her 3rd solicitor for advice...I can only assume the two previous ones didn't tell her what she wanted to hear. She is despite telling me all the solicitors she met have told her she'll get what she wants incredibly keen for the settlement not to be decided in court.

She insists she wont sell the house...just assuming that she has sole right to stay in the house. Secondly she is trying to raise money of a small enough amount to not remortgage(So suggests she isn't even thinking of 30% offer) and also started talking about me having a charge on the property.
As I have looked into this Is not generally beneficial as if its a percentage, assuming I have by the time its realised purchased a house for myself, I will get hammered on capital gains. If its a set amount, inflation could mean its worth significantly less. I assume only a judge can force such an agreement and under what reason would he do so?

If we split everything down the middle both of us would be left with assets/settlement of about £130,000 each so its not as though our divorce would leave her without the money to buy a new property suitable for her and my son(When he's at hers).

I am tearing myself apart, not only do I pray(i dont even believe in god) for a miracle to save my marriage, yet am also struggling with the idea that i am being unfair on her with the settlement...she knows how not only generous i am, but that i care about what people think of me. She knows outside of a court room I will be bullied into accepting a worse deal and in 12 months time and then end feeling like a fool at a later date. She is a hard nosed woman when it comes to money, but if this goes legal she will launch a nuclear attack on me.

She's on her third solicitor. Yep, that just about says it all! If there's only one child, a four bedroom house is probably overhousing. If 50:50 would give £130k each, sale and division looks a viable option. A three bed semi each may be achievable and a court should probably be pretty comfortable with that. That's the likely outcome and she needs to wise up.