How can I explain

My STBX and I sat down and agreed our settlement and I have been sorting out the divorce through wikivorce, we have our NISI, and I am posting the Consent Order that I have filled in my part to the solicitors tomorrow for the consent order and they have advised me that it is best to apply for the Absolute when this is all signed. Every day my ex comes to my house or rings me shouting at me, demanding that it is all sorted now, straight away. I know why, as when it is sorted I will sign my side of our business over to him, which is part of the deal. he wants me to do it NOW as his OW has quit her job and is waiting to help him with the business. I have explained to him over and over again that this is the process I can''t make it go any quicker and I WILL NoT sign the business over to him until the consent order is signed, but still he rants on like a broken record. he is now threatening to get his own solicitor as he says I''m dragging my feet. I''m not and actually I could drag it on much longer if I wanted to , but I just want all this to end. Him getting a solicitor at this point is surely going to be a waste of more time and money, any ideas how I can help him to understand the process. I was the one that started divorce proceedings, if I hadn''t this whole thing would have taken even longer.

Maybe it would be a good idea for him to speak to a solicitor?, then he will understand that the consent order set out who gets what and when, but only once the order is sealed, until it is no exchange should take place, nothing signed over, no money paid, you know this, he doesn''t, maybe hearing from a lawyer will help him understand this.

Let him stamp his feet, get his solicitor and try to have this attitude towards court staff or anybody else.....He''ll soon calm down!

Stop taking the calls, suggest emails instead. Then you can choose when you look at the emails rather than putting up with his random telephone rants. Then state in an email what is happening and why and just keep referring him back to that email every time he contacts you. I recommend emails as a way to deal with a shouty unreasonable stbx. It will be down to you to put an end to the rants over the phone.

Let him do what he wants with solicitors. It''s his choice. He won''t be told anything different from the messages you are giving.

This issue about the OW and her job isn''t your problem. If she has acted too early and their income is affected, that really isn''t anything you can do about that. It''s pointless him mentioning these matters, these are unconnected to the divorce and he is mixing up two very different issues. I would be quite assertive and if he wants to go and pay some money to be told the same thing as you are stating by a solicitor then that''s for him.

My ex took no responsibility for the divorce process either. Everything was left to me, he treated the whole thing like some kind of smash and grab then he ran away. He behaved in a very undignified manner, it was very tough at the time for me to deal with it. He was angry, very angry about the process. I found emails most helpful and I kept responses extremely brief, ignoring any rants and dealing only in fact. I repeated myself an awful lot.

My ex remained ignorant about divorce matters. I genuinely think to this day that he has been through a divorce yet has really no clue about what happened or why. Delays were my fault, the fact he had to sign some papers, didn''t get enough money, felt hard done by, all my fault. My ex dealt with divorce by projecting blame, remaining ignorant about matters and staying angry. By staying in the victim position, he got what he wanted. Didn''t need to take any responsibility you see. Didn''t want to face the drumbeat of his own conscience, so adopted avoidance behaviours.
Not facing up to things is a very poor long term strategy for future happiness in my view. But that''s for him.

It was up to me to put in the right boundaries to stop him projecting his stuff all over the place and involving me in his little dramas.That''s all I could do. I found a piece of work called the victim, perpetrator rescuer triangle that described the dynamics very well.