Seperation from an alcoholic

Thanks ilapak
I am considering going to the first meeting next week and I may take my son who is still living at the house and is having a bad time. I need to find out how to deal with all of the practical issues such as paying of bills etc.
Thanks again

Mark

Hi, this might be a bit unusual but i'm actually trying to get some advice for my mother! She is currenlty in the process of seperating from my father who has been a serious alcoholic for around ten years. It has become very messy as he refuses to leave the family home until the money he originally put into the house has been re-paid (regardless of the virtually impossible situation and atmosphere this creates in the house). I understand that my mother and father both originally put equal amounts of money into the house and both paid the mortgage but obviously for many years it has been impossible for him to work and so has (for want of a better word) sponged off my mother with her paying all the bills, mortgage, food and his clothing costs. I realize from his point of view he sees himself as a victim of an unfair seperation regardless of the fact the situation is due to his actions and i know my mum would rather give him whatever he requests rather than cause any aggravation. However, i am wondering if there is some kind of legal advice as to whether the emotional and financial stress he has caused my mother would cancel out any monies owed to him. Surely he should have to pay back any money from bills/food etc since he stopped contributing and my mother should be entitled to more money from him because the extreme upset his alcoholism has caused her.

I don't want to come across as heartless but really the situation is now so unbearable that people wont come round to the house any more and we all just want him out of our lives as soon as possible. But i am anxious my mum doesn't give in to an agreement she will resent later just for the sake of an easy life and i was wondering if anyone had been through the same experience or could give somekind of legal outlook on the situation!

Thanks!!

Hi field
I am in a similar situation as your parents only at the moment I have left the house because it is unbearable and my wife is continuing to live there without paying anything. I have to pay all expenses for the house and pay for my own temporary accomodation.
It is a minefield and a nightmare.
The only thing I can say to you is that if your parents are seperating then you could go for a seperation agreement there is some info about this on www.separation-agreement.co.uk. There are other websites that can give an idea of what is required so dont just look at this one.
You may like to ask a solicitor as well which may give youinitial advice for free.
I know how you feel about the unfairness of it all. I have paid for everything for all our married lives and now face the prospect of losing everything because my wife insists on drinking herself to death.
Hope this helps

Mark

thank you so much mark,

I am saddened by the amount of people who seem to be in a similar situation and it infuriates me that people continue to kill themselves in this way and cause such pain to everyone around them without seeming to show any concern for anyone but themselves! I do know that my fathers solicitor has advised him to stay in the house (possession is 9 tenths of the law etc.) so maybe by leaving your home you are putting yourself at more risk financially?

Let me give you all an insight which may help to guide you.
As in a previous posting i made i asked the question whether the violent abuse from my alchoholic ex would have any bearing on the divorce / finances. The basic answer is no.
Originally i had moved out of the house leaving my alchoholic wife in the FH with me paying the costs. It is not possible to move a married partner out of the house. Finally i moved back in, Took more of the abuse but finally had her arrested, charged and ordered to stay away from the house,
I think the advice to stay in the property wherever possible, consideration given to your personal safety,is wise.
So relative to the above question about splitting the finances in a reasonable manor, may be the only way of removing the party from the property.

Although living with an alchoholic is a nightmare for all , these people are generally not in control of what they are doing and most would willingly stop if they were able to do so.
Richard.

Richard does have a point when he says that alcoholics are unable to control themselves.
I am sure that if my wife could stop then she would, but is really not able to and it is the illness that has taken over her. She is totally dependant on alcohol.
As for living in the same house. Yes in an ideal situation, I should just continue to live there and just try and ignore whats going on and get on with things, but its not easy to do. Its desperatly hard watching someone that you once loved kill themselves like this. In my situation my wife could neither afford or even know how to approach a solicitor although I suspect that there are plenty of organisations that wold help her and ensure she gets whats she is legally entitled to.
There dosnt seem to be an easy answer to any of this.

Mark