How to start the process of moving on

Where to start?
My story is embarrassing and humiliating but I tell it in the hope that others may learn.
I have been married for 5 years to a Ukranian woman 18 years younger than me. She is an extremely intelligent and beautiful (on the outside) person. We have a 3yr old son.
In the time we have been married, she worked for a few months part time - 3 days/week then down to one then gave it up as was "humiliating" working for a major department store as a sales assistant.
For the last 5 years, she has been a student and aims to be for another 5 years. She has expensive tastes and I have foolishly pampered to them. Multiple foreign holidays every year, nice car and new phones every year, expensive jewellery, perfume and much, much more. I bought a flat and renovated it on my own, she went on holiday and came back day after I moved everything in, should have seen the signs? On top of working 50 -70 hours a week, I do 90% of the laundry, 95% of the food shopping, 90% of the cooking oh and we have a cleaner, plus all home maintenance and look after our son every weekend on my own while she studies. I could go on and will one day publish teh story I have been writing cataloguing all teh rubbish that I have put up with..
One classic example of life together was a load of laundry was in the machine, she checked the program in the instruction book next to the machine and came and told me which one to switch on. I travel for my work which means very early starts, and long days. I work from home and when I am here which is aout 65% of the time I get up first every day to look after our son. I have had one lie in in the last two months and am constantly exhausted
She has been consistently verbally abusive and controlling a limited and rubbish sex life and claims I am the abusive one.
Has been going on for years, I have used work employee assistance, seen several solicitors and backed off. Finally got courage to get out despite her threats of me being left with peanuts, and more (or much less) and had found solicitor but she had spoken to them so could not represent me. Now just sorting out new solicitor and still looking for courage to see this through.
Just to add to the situation, she physically attacked me two weeks ago and I have done nothing wrong.
Looking for some moral support and hope others will not fall for the "beautiful" eastern european women.
Have had 5 years of her telling me I am useless and do nothing and I used to have some self esteem. Sorry for the rant but its helping to start the process of moving on.
Max

HI Max

Firlsty, welcome to Wiki - I am sure that you, too, will find a great deal of support, help and advice here.

Secondly - you are NOT usless! - From what you have written, you are far from usless, and do a majority of the household tasks, as well as working hard. Is your wife not able to help more with the household tasks, or is she unwilling to? It is easy to believe that you are "useless" when in a controlling and abusive relationship ( i know this from my own experience), your self-esteem withers, and your confidence falters. After 5 years of this mental abuse, it is not surprising that you feel the way you do. Little by little, all these will come back to you in time. The controlling partner in a relationship often trys to shift the blame onto the non-controlling partner, ie everything is their fault, the controlling partner believes they are not at fault, this makes the non-controlling partner believe it is so, and the cycle of low-selfesteem, lack of confidence, etc continues. You will find an inner-strength, in time, and will benefit from that.

You say you have been writing events down - this is good, partly as a form of release for your own emotions, and also as a record should you need one. Some find expressing thier emotions verbally quite difficult, and writing them down easier. There is a blog facility on Wiki, which is widely used and read by others, I know that by reading someone elses' blog, you can draw comfort and strength to know that others too are experiencing the same as you, they can also give you hope for the future as you read about those who are "getting there".

Never apologise for "ranting", as you put it, we all need to let of steam now and again, otherwise everything woud remain bottled up inside. The chat-room is a great place for moral support and steam-letting, hope to see you in there!

Take Care

Ruby

Hi.
For many reasons we can end up in humiliating relationships. I have written mine down many times and have moved so don't need to reiterate it here (again!)

You can move on and should move on and will move on.

I am 10 months down the line and have never been closer to being my real self. It does get easier.

Keep a diary. Set rules on how you see your child and stick to them - regardless of how your ex reacts.

Stay true to your values and we are here when the sh1t flys and it will.

take care

Hi Max
Just wanted to express sympathy for your plight, it sounds grim. I have just extricated myself from 25 years of similar abuse by my husband and am feeling very wobbly, but glad to be free. Well done to you for managing it quicker. There are people of both genders out there who treat other humans like crap, my main hope now is to steer clear of them for whatever is left to me of my 3 score and 10!
Best of luck for the future

Thanks to everyone for their messages of support and advice, it really does make a difference.
Everyday can be a battle and the constant put downs just keep piling up. I have only been a wiki member for a week and you guys have lifted my spirits.
Saw the doctor this week about something unrelated and she says I look tired. Too true, I work long hours and am sole carer for my son every spare minute at home and still I am accused of being useless and not doing anything.
This is a great community and am sure it will help get me through this difficult time. thanks again to you all. Hope I too can help back in return.
Max:)