Newbie on the loose!

Well where do I start?

Working mum to 3 children aged 11,7,5 (G,G,, new partner bobbydoughnut also a member of this forum (he found site whilst trying to solve my problems).. Currently 16 months into divorce proceedings, with an occupancy order on the marital home. Decree Nisi granted 8th May last year (on his 40th birthday - couldn't be more pleased if I tried lol). We are currently in mediation of which I have lost the will to live with. Mediator appears to be batting in ex's corner and I have been told that it would be better to sell up now as Mesha orders are very messy. Living in Sussex.. Want to know anything else just ask:)

Hi Floosy,

Firstly, welcome to the wiki family.

I am intrigued as to why if your nisi was granted nearly a year ago, you are still in mediation. If you feel it is not working then why not go down another route.

Is this mediation re: contact or finances or both?

I was told that if mediation didn't seem to be going anywhere within a few sessions then it was probably not the way to proceed. (My x actually walked out of our first session so was sadly irrelevant how many sessions work).

Stopping mediation does not neccesarily mean starting AR through the courts. You could try going through your solicitors and both voluntarily completing a form E, if you have not already done so for mediation.

Maybe post some financial details on here and try and gage a possible outcome. Nothing is ever guaranteed but getting an idea of what you may be aiming for would be a start and maybe empower you to look at other options.

Look forward to talking more.

Regards, Sarah

HI
well the story is like so....
December 2006 the week prior to christmas, I left him couldn't tolerate his behaviour anymore. An appointment was made in January 2007 to get the ball rolling (31st to be precise) As you are aware not every divorce is straight forward. On January 18th I received a text - bear in mind I moved out with the children to my mothers but I was going back daily to look after the animals. It read as follows *On the advice of my solicitor I have changed the locks on the house - Although this is half your house it is no longer your home*... Which may I add is illegal to do! I ended up serving divorce papers on him sooner rather than later, with an application for a Non-molestation order and occupancy order. A tempoary one was granted by the judge the following week, with him being ordered to give me back a set of keys to the marital home. I could not be re-housed via other means as too much equity in property and he was viewed as a single man in a 4 bedroom property. I moved back in and he moved to his parents. We ended up in court on my birthday on 15th March 2007 the long term occupancy order was granted but he would not agree to the non-molestation but I wasnt prepared to fight him for it because my priority was housing my kids and with the occupancy order - he could be arrested anyway if he failed to let me live peacefully at the house. He was also ordered by the judge to sign the divorce paers as he had refused previously. He signed them the nisi was granted on his 40th birthday 8/5/2007. I assumed at this point my Decree Absolute would automatically follow. I was advised not to apply until my financial matters had been sorted out. It wasnt until much later as his solicitor was crap and he has since changed solicitors, that they asked if we could sort the financial matters out via mediation. Mediation started in January, the first meeting being the one where he just introduces himself and gathers some info. The second was where we discussed what we both wanted from it - I thought about a mesha order - He wanted to automatically sell up as he can only see £ signs. The third was a disaster as xtb had feck all ready. I have since seen my solicitor to ask what the best course of action would be; She recommended selling up now as I would gain the most from it finacially. I have been ill with stress and have not slept well nor eaten properly, losing a stone in weight (btw throughly recommend the divorce diet lol) and generally run down where I have had colds that won't go and bouts of tonsilitus. Anyway Im back on the mend with my armour ready and my sword sharpened! The house is worth £220,000 with a very small mortgage leaving £160,000 in equity. As you can imagine he wants us out and he wants his money - hence delay has he has been as obstructive etc as he can. My needs to house the children and myself - would see a proposal being put forward whereby I get £120,000 equity with a mortgage of £60,000... Allowing me + the bambino's to be re-housed without falling into debt etc. Phew hope thats answered all your queries if not just shout and Im happy to try and cover anything I may have missed xxx

P.s Form E is already completed.

Hi Floosy

Just quickly read your post and you are in a similar position to me, I also have 3 kids and my x2b sounds just like yours. But I'm wondering why would you need to sell up, couldn't you just have the house your in put into your name as the figures come out the same either way you have a 60k mortgage.

Unfortunately for me we don't have as much equity in our house but we do have other properties let out with tenants. If these were sold off we would have more to go around. Problem is the 'credit crunch' which means not much selling and most likely if we did sell they would go for a lot less than first anticipated.

If I was you I would stay put. What sort of settlement does your x2b want?

Hope you are coping, I have had all the physical affects you mentioned sore throats, colds, migraines and more recently a skin infection all put down to stress - today I thought I was going to have a heart attack! really sharp chest pains, that was after we had yet another row.

I wouldn't cope if it wasn't for my sister, make sure you have lots of support.

Take care
Salina

In an ideal world yes I could stay but it would mean adding a further amount of £40,000 to a mortgage of £52,000 making mortgage £92,000. If we sell the mnortgage would be paid and I could then own a house with the same amount of mortgage I am paying now. Rather than increasing the mortgage by buying him out.

I can see where you are coming from now, is the house up for sale?

Ours could take ages to sell, x2b is still in house with me -totally refuses to move out so I can't get tax credit either. Are you working?

You know once this is all sorted out and you have your own place it could be like a fresh start. Some of my friends are already divorced and they said it was such a relief in the end after all the wrangling. And now they get on ok with their exes.

Salina

The house is not up for sale yet xx