Hello

Hi,

I joined this site because I'm currently going through a divorce myself. My struggle is emotional, more than legal.

I married abroad and gave up everything (I was living a charmed life in the US at the time) to settle with my wife in England. It was the only place where we both could live.

Unfortunately, we soon developed issues of trust. On top of that, I believe that due to her difficult childhood, she was unable to control her emotions, especially her temper.

One day I found a letter from her father indicating that she had just married me for a passport. Since then, things went downhill rapidly. I just couldn't trust her at all. She would literally say one thing and then contradict herself in the next sentence, or even answer questions with "yes... no... yes".

I don't think it was her fault. Her family were instructing her, because they were desperate for UK citizenship. Her only fault was to choose them over me.

Eventually, I couldn't cope any more and asked her for a temporary separation. It shouldn't have been a surprise. I told her months ago, that unless we can fix our marriage, I couldn't see any other way. That very day, her family told her to call the Police on me, claiming that she was abused.

I was so surprised. One minute we were talking and the next, I was opening the door to let the Police in.

Of course there were no charges or caution. I love my wife very much.

She left with the Police and I never saw her again.

I wrote to her (email + registered post) asking her to let me know what she wanted. Her and her family ignored everything. Eventually, she only contacted me to get her things.

After a month, my Uncle approached her parents for reconciliation. They were not interested. I asked my wife if this was true, she never responded.

I have now filed for a divorce.

It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I feel as if I am cutting off my own arms.

Now suddenly, my wife is calling me at work and emailing me, saying that she wants to talk to me and will wait for me (I moved to the other side of the world).

The problem is, that I can't trust her. One minute she is calling the Police on me and the next she can't survive without me.

What makes it harder, is that I believe my wife is a victim. Her family abandoned her as a child and this affected her nature. Then they took her back, but saw her as a golden ticket.

I actually have letters from her father saying that she has to "hide her feelings" and "be like an actor" and "wait for your passport".

The problem is that my wife always decided to follow their ideas and plans, over her own self-interest.

As much as I love her, I can never trust her again. I will never know if she truly loved me, or if she was just acting.

I miss my wife with all my heart, but we just can't be together. I feel destroyed inside and I know that she is suffering too.

I don't hate her or want to hurt her. I blame her parents who stabbed us in the back.

I am so broken right now.

Mike.

Mikecharlie,

I feel for you. I can sense the depth of feeling and love you have for your wife. Some people would say that it is only you 2 in the marriage but I do think families have a part to play.

You make it clear that you could never trust her again. Trust is such a huge issue, this is what made my marriage fall apart.

Maybe too much water has gone under the bridge so to speak.

Will you ever truly know why she married you?

So, how do you move on, I guess this is the big question?

How far along in the divorce process are you?

How long were you married?

Maybe if you can sort the divorce out, it would help you to move on.

May I suggest you could start a blog about your feelings; you don't even have to publish it, but just let it all out. I think you need to mourn what you had and the life that you thought you would share.

You could come into the chatroom and talk to people. Sometimes we just have a laugh to help us through.

Glad you have found the wiki family because they are a great source of support.

Best Wishes,

Sarah

mike.
reading this ,make me wonder wether you should give your marriage a chance.Why was the family so desperate for her to settle in uk?It sounds as if she has always listen to her parents,Is she asian? and done what she is expected to do,but now that she has gone she realises that she wants to be with you.You should talk before doing anything.If the family is like you say they are,they are trying to do what is best for her(in their opinion) she is the victim as much as you are.so do find out what she has to say.
all the best