Stay or Go ?

Hi

I need help..its unusally for me I dont usually find myself here asking for help but now I dont know where to turn and would appreciate your advice very much - Im sure some have found a similar situation upon them.

We have 6 children and have been togther for nearly 25 years, many years ago my wife was unfaithfully to me with 2 close friends of ours, she said some very nasty things and very nearly left and never explained. I stayed for the children, and I loved her and forgave her. Before and since our relationship has been more like friends - though we have little in common and to a degree it has become a habit. My wifes main interest is the house, the children are spotless and happy but family activities are few. As I said its a habit, probably for both of us.

3 years ago I contacted an old friend from school (as you do) and since then we have become close friends and planned - when our children are old enough to be together, we have so much in common.

Yesterday, my friend (not out of the blue) pulled the plug on us as she needs to move on quicker than me...she wants to wait but cant for her own reasons - this i respect. We live in different countries and she was prepared to come to me with her 2 children

I have never forgiven my wife, although I tried to - its never mentioned - We have tried many years ago for marriage guidance twice - and it just peters out - we have not had sex for 2 years, but again dont talk about - I spent years being rejected from this and never try now -though I am sure my wife loves me as I do her - but we have nothing together really bar the children.

My decision is do I stay with my wife and my lovely children for the foreseeable future or move on now - the youngest child is 4.

I know my life with my friend could be fantastic, but can I leave now - I was mentally preparing for when my youngest was as school - though this would not have been easy I think I could have gone through with it - I am not sure if I could live with the guilt of leaving with such young children.

I believe my wife as my children would be devasted as they know nothing of this...

NPB

Only you can make that decision.

These are my opinions, so please don't shoot me if you don't agree with them.

There is never a good time for children for their parents to split - even children in their twenties have been known to have suffered from the break up of their parents marriage

My comments are these:

How do you know life with your friend will be fantastic? If she is in another country and she has 2 children, living with her will be very different from an illicit affair. The mundane and routine are what makes us all think life could be better where the grass is greener, but most of us stay put and try and make ago of it as we have responsibilities to our spouses and our childen. It may be greener over the fence but as is often heard - its all the same sh*t but just a different address.

How will it feel in 5 years time when you and your new lady are in a similar rut to the one you are in now with your wife. Will you be in contact with another old school friend.

Just my opinion, but please think of your children, your wife and think long and hard about the pain you will cause. Don't just think with your dick!

Mon

There is no one that can answer that question for you, apart from yourself.

The only observations I can make is you have registered on this site, a divorce site.

you are already from what you have posted not a married couple, just staying out of habit.

personally, I believe that children are very astute and will know that you and your wife are not a happy, loving couple and it will not come as too much of a shock for them, if you approach and explain it to them in a way they understand.

I think your mind was made up when you started seeing this other woman, as things progressed it was only a matter of time before you had to confront it.

it is your life and you must decide how you want to live it.

dawn

I think you know the answer
Why else would you have registered on this forum
I am a newbie
So please do not listen to me
But I joined for support in a divorce

Forget about the grownups, what is your relationship like with the kids now? What do they see you do as a Dad? What do you appreciate about each one of them? Are you prepared to have them alienated? Are you happy to lose the chance of following their ups and downs in life at close quarters? Is your need to go greater than the contribution you can make to forming these future lives?

Don't know the answers....only the questions to ask

Keep strong