The end of a nightmare

Hi all,

I have been viewing some of your posts over the past few weeks and it is only now that I feel brave enough to join you all.

I threw my husband out of the house over a month ago after finding out about violent behaviour and his viewing of pornography. I have an eight year old son whom I worship.

My husband tried to kick in the front door after I had packed up his things and left them outside the front door - he then became verbally agressive and abusive telling me he would contact social services to take my son away from me. I called the police and they suggested to him that he stayed somewhere else. He went home to his mothers for two weeks and then stayed with a friend for a further week. He only left two voicemails for my son in this time and did not make any effort to see him. I changed the locks to the house and removed some savings from the joint account to ensure that both myself and my son were ok financially. I worked full time throughout this three week period and my son went to school ensuring that we kept some kind of routine going. I was coping very well on my own and feeling more positive than I have done in years.

Then last week my husband contacted me to ask to talk - I said that I would as long as he wasn't aggressive anymore i would. He came around to the house and asked what were we going to do - he said that he would make an effort to make things better and I said I would too. The first thing he said we needed to do was to put the money that I withdrew from the savings back into the joint account - which we did. We then had sex in the first time in over five and a half years and he experienced an intense headache afterwards. He then went to the doctors who prescribed some tablets - but he didn't take them. Over the past week things have gone back to where they were before he left. We had a blazing row on Tuesday evening when he admitted that he had only come back to be with his son - and that while having sex with me he should have put a bag over my head as I am a big fat cow ! As the evening went on he was more abusive and aggressive towards me and said that he would not be moving anywhere - I would have to go.

I have spent the last few days going to work and coming home to sleep in the spare room and cooking for myself. My son is finding this difficult as my husband is completely ignoring me - he walks out of any room that I enter and there is no communication between us.

I am really sad as I thought things would be different after he came home - what do I do now ?

Gunner xxx

Hi, I would take all the money out of the joint account leave it with friends or family and find somewhere else to live for you and your son.

your husband has obviously been to see a solicitor or had advice from somewhere telling him to get back into the house in anyway shape or form that he could, he has now managed that and will not move out no matter what you say or do.

divorce and related financial proceedings can and do take well over a year to get sorted out, so the more money you can lay your hands on the better, as you will need it.

wait until he is at work and arrange to have your belongings removed from the house to your new accomodation.

I know this is not something you will want to do, but can you in all honesty stay there with him for over a year with the way he has and is behaving.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you find somewhere and get the money out so you and your son can start living a happier life.

kindest thoughts
dawn xx