What do I do??

Hi everyone I'm looking for some help/advice. I'm 62 been married for 29 years. The last year or so has been unbearable my husband(60) is out of work and just sits playing ps4 and drinking beer all day. We argue everyday and Christmas was a nightmare. It's got to the point where my children and grandchildren don't want to come to the house because of the atmosphere. I'm looking for a flat to rent so I can move out and start divorce proceedings but am worried that if I do move out I will not have the right to anything, (half the value of the house) we have paid the mortgage off so we outright own it now and i dont want to walk away and lose everything. If anyone knows anything that can help me I would be grateful for any advice. Thankyou

Hi and welcome to wikivorce but sorry you find yourself here.

It does sound like your husband is depressed. That is very hard for you to deal with as you cannot make him better. Only he can do that but he must get help.
The chances are he is as unhappy as you are.

Have you talked to your GP about the situation?

The downside of moving out completely is that if the property has to be sold, you may have trouble getting him to engage with the process. After such a long marriage, the start point for division of everything, including pensions, would be 50:50. Would 50% of the value of your house be enough to buy a small place each? Are you working? Could you raise any kind of mortgage?

Perhaps a calm conversation setting out your position and making it clear the steps you are prepared to take may shake him up enough to seek help? If you do feel the marriage is over, you could consider staying put while the divorce and finances are sorted just to make sure the sale of the property goes through OK. You can go to an organisation such as Relate on your own to get support.

Or if you can afford it you could rent a small bolthole but still spend time at the FMH.

You could even suggest selling now and each buying a separate place (assuming this is affordable) then organise a divorce by mutual after you've been separated for two years. At this point you could have a legally binding financial settlement that could include a pension share.

Hadenoughnow

Thankyou so much for your help. You've given me a lot to think about. I think your right its time we sat down and had a talk. Thankyou again

I'm separated and have met someone else. We are looking to buy a house but, I'm concerned that there will be financial implications as part and parcel of the divorce settlement. Can you advise what happens in this instance. The ex is very reasonable and we have agreed a very amicable settlement but, she's not aware that I've moved on??