Still in shock

Hello.
Really still can’t believe I’m here.... never in a million years thought I’d be getting divorced, yet here I am.
I’m a 37 year old man. Was with my partner for 15 years, married for 3, living together for 10. A week ago she told me she wanted a divorce. She’s not happy with how things are and there’s no way to fix it. I honestly thought we were ok. Not perfect but who is?
We still live together but it’s almost unbearable as she has become like a stranger around me. Everyone is devastated apart from her.
I’ve been today and arranged the mortgage to be put into my name and buy her out.
It’s gunna be difficult but I need to keep some normalcy in my life. I’ve lost my wife, my best friend, my future, I need to at least keep my home.
The pain is unworldly and I know it’s only gunna get worse.
I’m terrified of the time ahead. I’m desperate for support.

Hi and welcome.
I’m assuming your wife has met and moving in with someone else?
When it’s dropped on you and you have no say, yes it is devastating.
Do you have children?
This is a great site for helpful advice and support.
The initial shock you do overcome.
Don’t make any rash decisions.
Make sure you have a Consent Order stamped, so your home you are now buying your wife out of isn’t removed from you again.
It is all very weird/unusual for a long time, but you do adjust to new circumstances you find yourself in.
Protect yourself.
Good luck to you.

Hello JDM,

I was in exactly the position you describe 13 months ago - after the initial shock and ongoing emotions, it does get better.

If you haven't already, I suggest getting a financial consultation before doing anything on the financial side. The one I got was free from this website.It also helped me to map out the way forward in terms of administration, plan towards the end game and at least take some form of control of the situation.

Look after yourself and good luck.

Hi,

And thank you for taking the time to reply. Something that seems so small but in this situation means so much.
To answer your question Under60, thankfully no, there’s no children involved. I’m not sure if she is seeing a new guy to be honest. I’m trying not to think about it as this is too much to take as it is.
I didn’t want this and I know it’s gunna hurt but I just want her out of my life now.
I need to heal and move on.

I will take the advice and seek financial advice.

Thank you again for replying

Good luck.
You can get free half an hour advice at a solicitors, and you can call the wikivorce helpline for advice too.
Basically it’s apply for divorce £550.
If you agree between yourselves the dividing up of assets you get a solicitor to draw up a consent order stating who gets what.
If you can’t agree, you go to mediation ....£102 for my visit.
Mediation wasn’t suitable for my situation, but mediator signs a form to say you have been, and then you can apply to court for financial settlement...another couple of hundred quid.
Ideally you will sort who gets what money etc at mediation or before and then that is written into a consent order, which is much cheaper, quicker and less stressful.

Hi I'm nearly five years down the line after twenty years ended in a phone call! I remember that feeling of utter shock and disbelief, he too was my best friend and everything to me.
All I can say is it takes time and in my case a lot of money but once it's over you can start to take control of your life again. Mine was also the shock as it came the week before my 50th so the thought of starting again was scary! But five years on myself and the children have our own home, he took ours. I have a job I love and great friends around me. I'm afraid emotionally I have found it very hard to let go and move on. I have had some fun dating but am actually happily enjoying my life single. I do feel like I have just put up too big a wall to commit to anyone again. I have friends who seem to date straight away and go on to marry with ease so think it is just a personal thing. This site was my saviour, especially in the middle of the night when sleep eludes you. So stay strong, more than anything focus on you for a while, eat well and try and sleep. I hope you also have friends to talk to but if not you will find many friends on here who know exactly what you are going through.