Custody vs 50/50

Hi everyone,

My overall question is one related to costs as the title suggests. I do not want in any way to take children away from their mother, so when the children split their time equally between both parents is there even a custody battle to go through?

Another important distinction is the idea of a primary residence. All communication I have received so far is around the best interests of the children staying in the family home. But is that automatically assumed to be mum?

I'm currently going through a separation. Shockingly my ex partner has decided to go down some kind of domestic abuse (psychological), intimidation angle and has instructed lawyers to act for her. To date I have received two very threatening and inflammatory letters from her lawyers and unfortunately I think that will continue.

Her lawyers have given me an offer, in which I vacate the property, pay maintenance, upkeep the mortgage and consequently pay for my own living arrangements. Even before the legal expenses, the overall cost of this is astronomical and will ultimately impact the provision for the children.

So even if I were to offer rent for mum, until she gets a job, does everyone agree or disagree that the best solution for the children would be to stay with me in the family home, buy out when / if I can. There would obviously be no restrictions on them seeing mum and three whole thing would be much more affordable.

Thoughts welcome - and believe me there's a lot I've excluded in the interests of trying to be concise. I will answer any questions

Thanks,
J

How old are children and what are the current arrangements around work and child care?

4 and 5. Current arrangements are impacted by national restrictions for covid. But generally speaking mum will take them to school/nursery and pick them up.

To be perfectly honest I have a flexible job and I can adjust working hours, and have done in the past for whatever is required.

Also a genuine question would be that if mum wanted to drop them off and pick them up from school every day that's not really an argument for changing the split is it?

One of my next steps is to actually plan my proposed childcare arrangements. Which is difficult because I want nothing standing in the way of either parent being able to see them. Even on an ad-hoc basis. And I'm not petty enough to go through a court to make that happen. To me the best interests of the children is the parents working together whatever their differences.

So the status quo is that your ex is the main career and either isn’t working or works around their needs and does the majority of the school runs whereas you are the main earner and financial provider?

She is unlikely to agree to swap that for living in rented accommodation and reliant on you to pay the rent.

If she can afford the running costs for the FMH from her earned income, benefits she will be entitled to and maintenance from you then the argument will be that it is best for her to stay there with you named on the mortgage until one of the usual trigger points, ie youngest 18, remarriage etc

She cannot afford to maintain the home as she has no job or income. We are not married. And while the status quo for the school runs etc is currently on her that is only because she is claiming domestic abuse (psychological). I'm actually worried if I were to start taking the kids to school again it might be construed as something sinister.

So I would propose the status quo of the kids and I staying in the house and I would help her with the rent. She can of course take the kids to school etc when she wants, but that's something I have, can and would do.

The alternative would be me being homeless as ask the costs incurred in moving out and supporting her would leave nothing for me to fund my own accommodation.

If you are not married it changes everything.

You will be liable for child maintenance but not spousal maintenance.

Whose name is house in?

Child maintenance is surely only relevant when "custody" is uneven? Call me naive but I'm really hoping that things can be fluid and equal with the correct communication.

The property is joint. According to the title. Of course I have been paying the mortgage for since we have moved in (couple of years), but regardless of that and even regardless of the joint ownership, I believe things like that should be split 50/50 as we both invested time and money for a potential future. Thankfully the joint ownership ages with me on that as she is currently trying to take a lot more than that. Petty and frustrating.