Living the worst life right now

I am going through a very acrimonious separation/divorce. We are both 52 years old and have a 10 year old child. He has a fully instructed solicitor and | sought advice periodically from one. I have now spent over £30,000 on legal fees and now have to self rep .I found out about this site from a magazine article that was given to me.

Husband and I got in an argument that got physical. Husband alleged DV and that he was the victim although it was clear I was the victim of DA and DV. He reported me to the police (case disconitnued) applied for full live-in care of our daughter with me seeing her fortnightly in supervised conditions (alleged I was a binge drinker. Had blood and hair strand test. Result showed no evidence of alcohol abuse)and applied for an Occupation Order to remove me from FHM. (Withdrew application)

He stopped working three months after leaving FHM and has lived with his parents ever since with minimal outgoings (Food, utilities etc)

We both withdrew our applications for Non Mol and Occ Order in May this year. He has our daughter for 5 days out of 14 so week 1 he has her for one day and week 2 he has her for four days. I then have her for a week and a half. There is a Order in place for child contact.

We have been married for 11 years. Separated for just under 2 years

I gave up work to be a full time homemaker in 2017 but then took a p/t job because of his constant moaning that he pays for everything and to give me some extra disposable income.

The process of separation has had a horrific impact on my health and I have been off sick .Presently I am not receiving any SSP.

We both own properties that we bought before our marriage. I have a interest only mortgage and he has now paid his off. The FMH is mortgage free. We both let our properties out and I was using my money for legal fees instead of trying to reduce my mortgage. I now use it to pay the mortgage, service charges, and look after myself and my daughter. There is very little left as the end of the month.

He has been assessed as being in nil income by CMS however he has volunteered a nominal amount to me every month,.

He also pays all the bills in the house and always has done. When we first got engaged I suggested that we put everything in joint names as I was in our marriage for the long haul. He refused and the first time he mentioned divorce was a year after we married. So the house and alll the utilities have remained in his name. We have never had bills through the door so I have no idea how much they are. He did everything online.

We are now going through finances. We have completed form E. His was very badly filled out and he did not fully disclose his finances. Claimed he has liabilities which he did not have, duplicated statements, did not provide all statements. We have had the FDA and have exchanged Questionnaires and replies; to questionnaires. He still had not given full financial disclosure.

We are now looking at mediation at his request.

I have three pensions totalling £50,0000

He has three pensions totalling £400, 000 (one of which is a final salary pension accrued before we met.)

I think he is proposing to offer about 30% of the FMH and only sharing the part of the pension that he build whilst we were married. We are in the process of instructing a pensions expert.

I think at some point we will get our properties valued as well.

He is pushing for us to go to mediation before the pension report has been completed.

CMS have just calculated he should pay me more money based on his unearned income (arrears). He is livid as result of this and has just advised me that he is going to transfer some of the bills into my name now so he can afford the payments.

Other information is that I have an ICVC worth £28,000 and a savings scheme opened in 1991 worth £18,000. He allowed me to keep child benefit.

He has £60,0000 worth of shares and more that he has not declared. I suspect he has put aside money that has been inherited and gifted to him. I have calculated this is in the region of £200,000.

He has decided to go back to education and has been studying. Social media states he has qualified in his new career but he has not declared this.

So right now my questions are as follows:

-can he just transfer some of the utilities into my name without my permission? It would be a massive struggle for me to take on anymore financial commitments right now?

- Will all of our pensions be taken into consideration or just that for the last 12 years?

-He wants to go back to court to change the child arrangement order as it does not suit him anymore. Is this any easy process?

-He wants me to work full time (40 hours a week). I have looked for jobs that I can do but there is nothing in our area. They are much further afield. Would I be allowed to relocate with my daughter. Ideally I would want to do this before she leaves primary school.

- He has told me I am not allowed to do any work or repairs on the house and he wants to do it which will mean him coming into the FMH. I am very fearful of him more due to his mental abuse rather than physical and I cannot be sure he would not remove items he considers to be his. Can I refuse him access ?

-Can I ask for spousal maintenance in the future?



He now is saying | can stay in the FMH until our daughter is 18. However this is just verbal and ti is possible he has changed him mins as he is quite angry right now due to the CMS.

We are due to have our FDR hearing soon but we are not ready so I assume it will be vacated until next year.

Overall I am suffering form anxiety,depression and am only just starting to recover this ordeal. I am dreading going back to work due to my paranoia and emotional state.

It just seems never-ending.

I hope someone can give me some answers. Thank you .