Hello - introduction and advice request

Hello

I would really like advice and thoughts on my mediator's proposals. The facts are:

a) married for 30 years
b) I am 57 husband is 55
c) 2 children 15 (year 10) and 18 (at uni)
​​​(d) both children live with me in the family home ( when daughter back from uni)
e) Earnings Me £13,000 pa. Husband £150,000pa plus bous
f) pension me £10,000. Husband £1.3 million
g) savings me £15,000. Husband had £50k but spending and down to £34,000
h) I represent myself and he has city solicitors
i) family home without mortgage £1 million joint tenants
j) Other assets are minimal, car each
K) CMS payment for 1 child to me of £1000
L) spousal support of £1000 to me
M) My monthly salary is £1000 husbands is £6700

Mediator said only 2 proposals.

1. Sell house now and then 50/50
2. Stay in house until son 18 on condition in 3 years time Clean Break an 50/50.

No future spousal support. Properties in the area are expensive, 3 bed property £800000 50 min journey to sons school. My mortgage capacity is v low. Mediator suggested I apply for universal credit.

I'm wondering how with husbands future earnings, my career sacrifice, huge disparity in our finances and future standard of living that this can be a fair and equitable settlement.

Thanks

Sophie

Morning Sofia
I’m not legally trained, but I have been through a very expensive divorce in similar circumstances.
I was told by my solicitor as a starting point for any long marriage it’s 50-50 split of everything.so everything you have and everything he has and what you have together.
The length of your marriage,age of you both plus your husbands pension pot would mean that you should be entitled to no less than half his pension and any court would grant you part of his pension.
My experience is get yourself a good solicitor for advice taking this to court if needed and make sure they recommend a good barrister for negotiating on your behalf.
I received 40% of my husbands 2million pension, half the house proceedings in the UK plus I got the French property.
He fought me all the way and it cost me £35,000 in legal fees.
Had I walked away with his first offer I would have had the French property and £50,000
Good luck

Thank you so much for your quick reply and for sharing your settlement. It is useful to see what can be achieved although I appreciate each case is different, - there are common factors.

Our next step will be court as my ex refuses to negotiate.

Thanks

If your needs cannot be met then it does not seem fair. A departure from equality is not unreasonable or uncommon where needs demand.
As he is already paying SM than you clearly have a need and he has the means to meet it, at least until the pension kicks in.
You would likely get a better settlement if you sold the FMH now rather than waiting as your needs will diminish. Or you could stay put by trading off some pension share to stay there. This would mean you would need to downsize to meet needs in retirement.
Going it alone in court against a wealthy ex is not easy. If you need some support you could look at the cost effective services we offer for LIPs. These include a legal financial consulation and, if it gets to court, help through the process.

Hadenoughnow

Thank you, your two suggestions would be my preferences too.

Hi Sophie,

I’m new on this, but your post really resonated with me… I’m not quite in the financial bracket of you guys, but actually my situation is comparable… in terms I’ve always taken a back seat/lower paid job totally around our children & the fact that my husband worked in London & Switzerland so I did the part time (pick up/drop off, all clubs blah blah) completely blindsided a few weeks ago after 22 years together & 16 years married he wants out … I feel he has been emotionally checked out for the last 2 years & everything & anything I tried has been lost on him… we have our first mediator appointment tomorrow where he is saying he thinks 50/50 is fair split with a years money of help (what he normally pays me to cover the rest of the bills/food etc that my salary doesn’t cover) completely blindsided & worried about your post as I thought that so many things would be taking into account… moral obligations to ensure me & my boys have a home we can afford (again we live in an expensive part of the world) especially after I have made so so many life choices/sacrifices to ensure the boys looked after while he could do the job thing!!!

Hi Jenzeff

It may be worth starting a new thread to ask about your situation.
Needs are always the first consideration in financial settlement and the housing needs of minor children are a priority.
While 50:50 is the start point, that is often not how things end up when all the circumstances are taken into consideration.

Hadenoughnow