Is there a point when enough is enough?

Sometimes the one who has been lied to & cheated on, (through no fault of their own), then gets their kids ripped away from them by the liar & cheater. Then you find you have to support the liar, financially, for the next 18 years; you have to pay for your children to be bought up in a house against your wishes, in an environment that you know is not the best for your children. You know that you could bring your children up better, in a more loving & honest environment, but, you're just not allowed.
Then, to top it all, this makes you go bankrupt, coz the liar got legal aid !
Bugger.

I am way way past any chance of any meaningful discussion with her now; since I said no to her initial financial demands (everything we ever had, SM + extras) I have been in court on false allegations of DV, been forced out of our house by court order, have access to our children taken from me on her whims...until she wants some free time with her new fella then I get it back for a while, the constant lies about everything which get sent to me in letters....all funded by Legal Aid and encouraged by her vulture of a solicitor.....its so galling to see her exploit things for her own vindictive ends.

I love my children far more than I could ever hate her which is why I refuse to use the kids to get back at her, but I still cannot see me ever getting past all the horrid evil stuff she has done to me (and indirectly to the children).
Sometimes I could scream with frustration.....

I suppose that one has to struggle on through (I do, just, and this site is invaluable), until such time as:

a) The lies stop

or

b) One finds a way to deal with the lies, both mentally, and physically- i.e. financially etc. (May help to think that you're better off without the liar, though this is difficult because contact with her is a neccesity because of kids).

Both seem unlikely, I know, but you, like I, simply cannot, and will not, allow youself to be all-consumed by these lies.

When you find a way of dealing with it, please let me know the secret !

Hello Coy,
I worked with exh2b since 2005; with little money. Now he's spending all the money we'd saved on lawyers, (this has gone on for a year now!) Anywayz, on Tuesday we had First Appointment for AR proceedings. He was ORDERED to immediately set £10,000 aside (his solicitors were instructed to hold on account for me!) so that I may buy myself some legal advise. This will be loaned against the Final settlement.

We've been advised to resolve matters away from court. I think LA would not cover for a fully contested Hearing, (at which point it becomes a Loan) This LOAN will need to be re-paid against assets.

Best point that out to her!

Coyi,

Sounds all so horribly familiar ... only I am the PWC - I would have loved to think my stbx would bother to see or even contact his children but they get nothing beyound a birthday card and the odd book token ...
But he is on legal aid and I am not, He also seems to have hired the same solicitor as YOUR stbx. Vulture is indeed a good description.
He does not seem to have completely understood that he will have to pay back LA - I think he has bills of about 10k at present. He has cost ME close on 30k. It is obscene.
His solicitor does not seem to have explained the basic principles of AR to him - or if she has, he has chosen to ignore them and she has not read the riot act to him.
Instead I have been almost drowned in a flurry of increasing offensively worded letters (sometimes 3 or more a day)and ridiculous offers that would leave me and the children living in a shoebox with no money. There certainly has been nothing that I would describe as an attempt to settle this without going to the expense of dragging it through the courts.
As far as I know, the only way to get any costs back is to plead litigation misconduct. If the judge agrees, then it is possible that the solicitors themselves may be made to pay costs. I do not know how often this succeeds. I would like to know ....

And you are right - the children should come first. Her behaving like this is not just hurting you, it is hurting them ... I have often said I do not know what kind of father can put his 'needs' above those of his children. I would apply that to your stbx too.

You have my sympathy ..

Hadenoughnow

Thanks everybody for listening, it really does help to vent the frustration sometimes.

I saw my sol today and he says exactly what you guys have mentioned about her having to eventually pay back the legal aid. The key thing though is that where I have to pay as this goes along getting myself further and further into debt (and I'm sure I will be dropped by my sol like a hot potato when the well runs dry) she will not have to pay until the end when she has the majority of the equity in our house and is sitting pretty earning more than me!

Have had to laugh today; having gone through her bank statements again I asked my solicitor where on her expenditure items (which show she is on the breadline btw) does it mention the need to repeatedly pay hundreds of pounds out in Anne Summers, Bravissimo and La Senza.....obviously it must be something to do with the £100 a month she needs to spend on school uniforms for the children.