Hello everyone. I'm separating from my husband (England) and things have turned sour and I'm uncertain if I would be overreacting to report some of the behaviour going on to protect me long term. I have spoken to a solicitor about the divorce and
Separation Agreement but things have escalated just over the weekend so I'm not sure if I should start reporting these things now .
1). Historic, but multiple counts of waking in the night doing sexual things I have not consented to, including a recent incident of waking up with him straddling face with penis in mouth with no way of me withdrawing due to position. He finished in my mouth which he knew I didn't like. He told me I instigated it. No evidence of course.
2). He moved out of the house on Saturday. I went Saturday evening to find some rooms in a mess, but most concerningly, he had destroyed some sentimental items. Significantly, a photo album with photos ripped up, faces scribbled out, and a general show of aggression. There was also some smashed glass in a cupboard and some signs of broken photo frames etc. General house neglect too but the destroyed photo album was the most concerning thing.
3). Initially I had agreed he could keep our pets because I was afraid of triggering him into a breakdown. Recent events have made me feel confident that they are better off with me. I told him via our mediator (his sister) and he flipped out instantly. Within 30 mins he was at my parents door, swearing and shouting at my mum, telling her I wouldn't look after the dogs, telling her to hand them over (we had been sharing them beforehand). He also told her personal details about me. She managed to get rid by threatening to call the police but he left eratically beeping his horn and driving dangerously. She wrote up her account of this. I'm so glad I thought to lock all the internal doors before he arrived.
Alongside this there is a pattern of emotional manipulation which I am only really seeing now. My dogs were in a state in the night and I was so fearful he was outside trying to break in which was setting them off. I'm a bit scared to walk them. I've contacted my solicitor about the dogs and I've contacted some professional mediators to make sure we get that part sorted properly and professionally to come to the right arrangement for them.
He has only been physically aggressive once before with me. He was incredibly drunk and his aggression was directed towards himself but he accidentally punched me while I was trying to console him.
He has been verbally aggressive and mean in stages throughout our whole relationship (been together since we were 14, now 29). I am genuinely afraid that under strain he could make a stupid decision to get what he wants with the dogs or to end his life.
Is there a way I can protect myself here? I have definitely made mistakes in the relationship and I am not guilt free. I have got frustrated in playing the parental role for him emotionally and financially for years which has led to me being condescending when speaking to him about official matters sometimes. I also developed romantic feelings outside the relationship although never lied or went behind his back at all.
I have never been aggressive or confrontational in this way and I don't think anything I have done warrants this behaviour, it's scary.
