9 years later ...

9 years since the split, 5 years divorce, one would have thought things to be settled by now.

The now grown up children all now at work, 2 of them married, another to be so in 3 months time. I have been very lucky to have found a new love in my life, the kids get on with her very well ... and we have very happily married last month!

Just to recap, 9 years ago, after 22 years of marriage and 4 healthy children, my ex wife got bored and unhappy with her lot, decided to leave home with a new love (personal trainer). The youngest of the 4 children was still only 15, so needless to say this was quite traumatic for all of us at the time - all divorce is.

I, or should I now say we, still pay a large spousal maintenance for an ex wife that does not wish to work - I and my new wife do, long hours.

I understand (I do not have access to her page, nor do I wish to) my ex wife uses her facebook account to promulgate unpleasant messages about myself and my new wife (significant degree of jealousy that we have been able to move forward and she is still struggling with the effects of divorce).

4 months ago we found (were told by one of the children), that my ex wife still had access to my google calendar account (i use for work and to coordinate busy diaries). I lazily had not changed my password - now have changed all my passwords!!

Luckily we did not have any trouble from her at our wedding and she stayed away. All four children came, with their new families, as well as many friends old and new. We could not have had a better and happier day.

Things got worse again 2 weeks after the wedding, with police at the door, investigating poison letters that my ex wife had been receiving. She claimed she had seen something on my google calendar, which she had been illicitly viewing!

It is interesting that my ex wife still uses her married name. We still meet at times of family events (weddings) and have contact through friends and family and the kids, and the kids new inlaws, so we get plenty of feedback on what is said. I have no direct contact and do not seek any.

Life moves on....

At this point -

1 I am considering asking my exwife to stop using my surname.

2 Failing that to get legal advice on how to achieve this?

3 Should my wife and I try to sue for harrassment or a least put in an injunction to stop all this poisonous messaging (for which we have now been able to gather evidence from friends and family who do have contact with my exwife). An option the police helpfully put to us at the time of their visit!

4 Or will it all settle and get better in time!?

Your ex wife sounds like my husbands ex wife except our time scales are even longer..14 years since separation and eleven since divorce,no young children involved.

I do not think you will have any success at all in asking,or trying a legal route to get your ex to stop using "your " name..a name is not the property of a person and she has every right to call herself whatever she wishes as annoying as it might be,I use my Maiden Name to avoid being confused with my husbands ex.

As to an injunction,yes, you might get a court to issue one,but they are not cheap (well,not in my view but cheap is subjective I suppose,we have a low income.)

Sorry to hear of your problems,I do not know why these people cannot just move on !

Legally you can call yourself what you like so there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop your ex using "your" name.

My ex continued to use "my" name for many years after we had divorced. Funny thing is she changed it back to her maiden name soon after I mentioned to people that I knew would feed it back to her that I found it amusing and flattering that she was forced to continue to use it.

As to anything else such as injunctions she sounds like a pathetic attention seeker. Best thing to do with such people is to ignore them and not give them the attention they crave.

Thank you.