second time marriages.

A lot of you know I''ve been through a horrific time not just the last few years but especially in the last few months.

Last week the guy I''m now seeing proposed and it was a massive shock to say the least.He proposed again on Sunday with a ring.

Although I''m in no hurry again to get married the whole process scares me now.

I know you can''t tar everyone with the same brush but I''d be interested to hear from others who have remarried and how do you get over the hurdle of being scared.

I remarried 2.5 years ago and havent looked back. Its different this time, it feels right. Previous relationships always felt a compromise.

It hasnt been plain sailing! Find being a step mum difficult and my daughter and husband dont always see eye to eye but I feel loved and cared for.

Cazza,I cannot comment on what a 2nd marriage would be like,as I have only ever been married once,and actually now I think I will never marry again,stuck in my own silly little ways:P

My take on your post...
You have been through quite traumatic times,in your marriage and your recent loss,so if the chance for happiness is there for you....Grab it...
Although it has to be for the right reasons,you know that you really have to love this man,not mistake love etc.
When we have been betrayed and then all the subsequent hurt that comes with the divorce,our emotions take a battering,and sometimes we are looking for a respite from that pain,believe me I have done that,and it was wrong,so we possibly can go into a make do mode.....
We should never make do,not for our sakes or their''s.

Cazza,this sounds gloomy and I don''t want it to be that way,you have a chance of happiness so grab it,as long as its for the right reason
I know that I don''t deserve a few crumbs from the cupcake,I deserve the entire cake and now I am in a place where I refuse to settle for anthing less....

Take care hun
Cwtchs
Afon Xxx

Hi Kaz. In a way I am pleased for you. And being honest? You deserve happiness. Esp after what you have been thru.

But your not so wet behind the ears now are you? Your a lot smarter and you know what is what. So this time I would be a lot more careful.

Considering what I have been thru and what you have been thru also, and many other good wicki friends have been thru I am not anti marriage. But I am anti wrong marriage. But your wise enough to spot a wrongun.

What would I do? I would say yes funnily enough. And the reason I say this is that this is your chance. A chance to be happy. But of course you have to be cautious. But this time maybe is your time. This is what all that you went thru was for. I know this sounds a bit weird but life is like this. We dont see the rhyme or reason for it. But it leads us down a path and presents us with opportunities. We either take them or we dont. I believe however that we should take those opertunites and see where it takes us.

All of us have needs. I have a need to feel safe. Some have a need to feel excited. Some have a need to feel wanted. I think you have a need to feel safe, wanted and loved. And... I think you really need a safe harbour. Somewhere you can fully recover. Some place that you can become stronger. And you will get stronger because you will be loved and wanted. Not because someone wants you as a punch bag to be used and abused. And perhaps a marriage (this marriage) is that place. For you. I am not saying your weak. But I am saying that your not strong as your wounded. But I know that when it comes to it, your the type of person to give it 110%. And you will reap the rewards. This time.

I am going to say this about men (and women). By and large I have found them decent. Most of us are a little fecked up. But that doesnt matter. And the type of person that did all this to you is rare. I know it seems like bad types are everywhere. But they are not. WV is a testament to that.

But.. Dont run where angels fear to tread. Take your time. Have a long engagement and see how it goes. Perhaps in a couple of years when your more sure and stronger in yourself you can actually tie the knot. Wouldnt that be an amazing thing? Marshy.

Hi Caz

Funnily enough, just been congratulating a friend I made through Wiki, who got married today. Also I know several people through Wiki and outside it, who have made very successful marriages.

BUT

the only person who can decide if this proposal is right for you is YOU. All I would say is, can you talk about your doubts with your man? Do you feel emotionally safe with him? Do you want to be with him because it works for you? I''d be inclined to take the risk/opportunity, if its right. Are you surprised because you aren''t ready for that commitment yet? Think about it. Imagine saying yes and imagine saying no and go with whichever one feels right for YOU.

Best wishes.

I''ve no idea how long you have been seeing him - wise words of advice on here as usual.

I''ve been with my new man for nearly two years and he is currently in the process of moving in. Sometimes I still wonder if I''m doing the right thing but I''ll not know unless I try. I certainly decided quite some time ago that if I couldn''t make it work with this guy then that was me and men over for good, as he is so kind and caring, and it''s the first time I''ve felt truly cherished.

We''ve skirted around the subject of getting married and my biggest fears are protecting my financial security, for myself and for my grown-up children.

Enjoy the moment and see how things pan out as you get to know each other better, and congratulations!

From the perspective of one who can''t imagine going on a date, never mind remarrying, you may want to take my advice with a pinch of salt. But for what it''s worth:

Reading the earlier replies I am struck by the number of people saying more or less: this is your chance for happiness, go for it.

By all means go for happiness, but I question whether this requires a wedding ring. Are you living together currently? Or would that be a next step? Do you want to live together, if you are not yet (and if not, there''s your answer). Do you want the ''security'' of a contract? Do you think he will leave you if you say no?

It reminded me of when my X proposed to me. I remember at the time thinking, well, I don''t know if I want to be married at all, never mind to him. But if I say no, then that means I don''t love him enough, and we might as well split up. And I don''t want to split up. But that was different because we were young, and went on to have a family etc. If someone asked me now I would ask myself what the point would be.

Would it be for status? To show the world that you are wanted? To show your X? I don''t know how old you are, would you be thinking of having children with this man? Does he have children already?

Don''t forget, with everything that has happened to you lately you must be feeling very vulnerable. Your man is probably, like most, a decent chap, and will be experiencing heightened emotions as well.

Marshy''s suggestion of a long engagement is sensible. Whether formal, or just saying you need more time to answer the question. Maybe best let things settle a bit, for both your sakes, and enjoy the fact that he loves you enough to have asked you. See whether the idea gets more or less appealing to you both before you make the commitment, especially if you feel at all hesitant.

Good luck x