Dating post divorce

Hi all, I want to thank you all for your advise. It is really welcome. I must say my head is starting to clear somewhat and the pain of the last few weeks is starting to (slowly) dissipate.

Marshy your advise is invaluable, I am slowly learning coping mechanisms to deal with the trauma of the divorce that I am sure will stand me in good stead for the future. Thank you for your guidance, it is gratefully recieved.
AngieP I love your advise ''become the person you want to attract'' I am working on this. I want to become a more ''self confident'' person, I recognise my role to play in the breakdown of the marriage and they are not mistakes I wish to make in the future. So, before I jump head first back into dating, I shall work on building myself up to a place where i''m more resilient.
Perin, thank you. I shall certainly be more discerning in my choice of future partner and not get into a relationship for the sake of having someone. With the support of my friends & family I am learning to be happy single.
Matt, thank you for your story. I guess there is no getting away from dealing with the pain.

As for dating in the future: the divorce has shaken me and I think initially I was in a state of shock. But it hasn''t put me off of relationships. For the best part of 10 years we did have something special and whilst it didn''t work out I would like to have something special with someone again. For me the joy of a happy relationship outweighs the risk of feeling this pain again.

I''m currently waiting on the nisi to come through my door though: its like waiting for a gun to go off!

Hi all,
I just wanted to let you know my situation. It''s been over a year since my separation, and it''s only now I think I ready to start going on a few dates. I gave started internet dating but it is quite scary I haven''t had any dates yet.

I am actually greatful for a year on my own,I have become the parent I want to be. I am much stronger and independent. The only down side is that I am getting a bit too used to being on my own. I don''t think I am too old (mid thirties). And would like to meet someone.

However I am not going to settle for anyone and Iike what was said in this previous post about being the person you want to attract. On Internet dating you could have a date everyday if you wanted but I very much doubt they are the right person - set your sights low and you will find anyone.

When I was married I had no social life but I went on meet up and now once a month I go out with people I have met through meet up. So I would definitely say that''s worth a go .

I got talking to a great person after only a few hours of starting online dating. I''ve since found that this is very far from the norm! I''ve met some nice people but for one reason or another they haven''t lead to a relationship. Having no expectations seems to be the key for me I think. From the women I''ve met it does seem that online there are lots of men that are dishonest and out for what they can get although I guess I''m proof that we''re not all like that!

Hi Honeybee, you say you liked being married and it was mostly good, I felt the same. I wasn''t worried about being on my own I have a lot of friends and family and I''m quite capable (when not traumatised by the shock as I was initially) but I knew I would want another relationship when the time was right. 3 months after my stbx left I realised I had a chance with a friend I''d known for many years and decided that after the heartbreak of my husband of 34 years going a bit of embarrassment or rejection was neither here nor there so I asked him if he was interested, he was! We moved in together 8 months later and although this has confused the financial aspect of the divorce I don''t care, I''m happier in a relationship and at my age (55) didn''t want to waste time. I know friends and family were worried and I know I would probably advise anyone else against doing the same but I did want to let you know that if the universe presents you with an opportunity don''t be afraid to grasp it. Ok only a year in I can hardly claim long term knowledge but it''s all worked out for the best for me so far and I wouldn''t have missed it for the world.

Hi Clawed, thank you for your story. It is an inspiration and so lovely to hear about people who have managed to find love again post breakup.. there are days when I worry it will never happen . I only hope I''m as lucky in finding a new partner as you have been. I''ve also just heard a story about a couple I know giving their marriage another go (after a year apart, new houses purchased and papers submitted). Neither of them felt like they had really put enough into the relationship and that they loved each other so they wanted to see if they can make it work before commiting to anything as drastic as finalising their divorce... It seems like love it in the air today!