One year on

Yesterday I realised that it was exactly a year ago my ex husband left for good. So I thought I would post here to say that a year on, I feel much much better. I''m still not 100% over it, but well on the way now and life is pretty good. I no longer cry every day or even every week (this is quite recent - I bawled my eyes out all over Christmas!). I do still think of my ex every day, but mostly it doesn''t hurt - I think it''s more because he was part of my life every day and now he''s not.
My self esteem is recovering and I''m feeling a bit more confident. I am starting to make plans for my future which feels exciting! I have realised that when I was married, I spent far too much time worrying about and prioritising my ex''s needs, while putting my own dreams on hold. All his life he has had other people looking after him (his mum called him "el muneco" - little doll!!!) Now I can choose to live where I want, eat what I want, go out when I want to.
I can mentally wish him well SOME of the time and although part of me would rather he stayed single and pining for me forever
it doesn''t tear my heart out to think of him with another woman.

For the new WIkis who sadly find themselves here, I have listed some of the the things that helped me on my journey so far (some of them from the lovely people on this website) and I hope they are of some slight help to someone:

- In the early days, you may be in shock so get some rescue remedy, homeopathy, herbal remedies etc. to help take the edge off.
- Eat little and often - soups and smoothies if nothing else.
- Exercise and fresh air really help!
- Get counselling if you can as your friends may not really understand or be able to endlessly listen to your pain.
- Wiki!!! Such a comfort.
- Limit contact with your ex as much as possible, it can set you back or keep you stuck.
- Get angry! Punch cushions, scream in the car, mutter "w*nker" to yourself...
- Treat yourself as you would a close friend who was going through a hard time.
- Read books if that''s your thing (plenty of recommendations on here)
- Keep a journal and write down how you are feeling daily, this helped me enormously and later you can see how far you have come.
- Realise that nothing in life is guaranteed or permanent, but you are strong and will cope. Never be completely dependent on other people, the only person you can fully rely on is yourself.
- If/when it feels right, do a "letting go" ritual. After my Decree Absolute came through in December, I wrote a letter to my ex saying that I forgave him, was sorry and wished him well. I took it to one of my favourite places near a lake and read it out loud (while crying) then tore it up (would''ve burnt it but too scared park rangers might see and tell me off!!). It helped me so much to say goodbye.

I''m sure there are lots more things, but these are the main ones that have helped me get to the point I''m at now. I still have a way to go, but thank you to all of those who have helped me either directly or just by being able to read your posts.
Lizzie xx

Lovely to read,and exactly how I feel....
Although he will always carry a part of me,wherever he goes,the rest of me is nearly whole again....

Onwards and upwards Lizzie
Cwtchs
Afon xx

Aw thanks Afon - yes exactly! We are doing OK, onwards and upwards...
Lizzie xxx

Hi

Good on you well done . I''m three half years along .minagree with the advice you provide to help others .

I too wrote a long letter of goodbye , then drove to Anglesey the very spot where she said it was over . I ripped it up put it in the bin . Walked away not looking back . And that is where she is right now , in that bin at the cafe. And long may she reign in there .

Good Luck
Dx

There is one more letter I gotta do yet and visit the place where I lost someone close to me . Only , she was lost in a brutal way .

That is gonna be a tough letter and task for me to do .
I have to face it and do it .
Just not today though .


Hey , well done you your going to be great

Dx

Thanks Declan - you and the others on Wiki have helped me so much and it''s great to see everyone getting stronger over time. Letters are very powerful I think, whether angry or forgiving or both. It all helps. Good luck with your other one, I''m sure you will know when the time is right.
L xx