Re-launching life at 50 when you can't get a job?

Hello all,

It will be two years this month when I discovered my husband's affair and impending fatherhood. For the first ten months or so I really was in a dreadful, dreadful state.

We had been together under the same roof for 13 years, married for 8 of those, and I truly didn't see it coming and fully expected, very happily, to spend my whole life with him.

We lived in a very remote part of Wales and had a large property with land and horses. We had moved there on the basis of him being more home based and one of our out-buildings being set up for holidays, which I was supposed to manage.

After a year of us moving there, he set up his own business and indeed was away more and more "on business". Money was less available due to that business, and so the holiday business was put on hold and essentially that meant that I was pretty much living alone much of the time, in this remote house, my own potential very much being stunted due to the choice of location. I got on with it, in fact trying to write screenplays, being told that he was away "building a future for us for which I should be grateful" and I must support it and stop tying to sabotage those efforts (by that he meant because I was unhappy at him being away so much, and I wanted us to move to a busier area with opportunities for me).

Then I discovered the double life that he had been living for two years.

I now live in the middle of a busy city centre and I'm happy with that. Emotionally and mentally, I am much stronger than I was, but try as I might I cannot get work.

I have applied for upwards of 150 jobs, of all types. Animal care, reception work, retail, tourism, hospitality - you name it. I have applied for full-time, part - time, temporary, reasonably paid, poorly paid, and made it clear that I am extremely keen and flexible. I have consulted with the National Careers Office (useless frankly), I have looked into free training (my funds are limited so cannot pay for training), and due to my age there is nothing. I do volunteer, and as I have a certain talent for home interiors and design, I have also written to companies asking if I can do a day or two a week FOR FREE just to develop experience. Again, no takers.

Between mid November and the end of December, I did have seasonal work in fragrance departments and I loved it and did very well. The agency was delighted with my work, but there will be nothing now until February as it is providing supply and hence, ad hoc.

The problem is clear. My age, and the fact that on paper I do not have a conventional work history, even though I have always been a very hard worker all of my life. In fact, a big chunk of my life was spent acting and singing which is something I'm wondering whether I should try and return to, but there is a degree of trepidation about that direction.

Simply, I do not know what to do about this. For sure, I have a lot to offer and I am so desperate to work and re-launch my life, not least for my own self esteem as much as paying the bills. If employers write me off though, without even sitting with me for a half hour chat, my options seem seriously lacking.

I confess to feeling extremely low at the start of 2017, knowing that I supported him hugely in his ambitions and business which he pursues (now with his new family), unfettered but that my life has hardly got off the ground yet.

Any advice would be so much appreciated.

Many thanks.

Hi there,

I'm not sure if I can advise at this point but just wanted to say that I too am facing a similar situation except I will be 57 in a few months time. My STBX didn't cheat on me but I still feel he betrayed me. I did work during part of our 32 marriage but much of it was spent caring for the home and family while he built his career and now has his own consultancy business. I supported him through four redundancies, health scares and we both went through hell after one of our adult daughters suffered a traumatic brain injury nearly two years ago. I'm still reeling from that and then I get hit with divorce proceedings. I'm going through some of what you went through during your first ten months.

Have you thought about joining a local amateur dramatic group? If you have leanings in that direction this may provide you with an outlet for your talents and the opportunity to meet new friends. I joined one years ago as a behind the scenes costume maker and dresser.

I am daunted by some job descriptions and how organisations want everything and anything but are willing to pay peanuts. It seems like a lot of these jobs are geared more toward young people just starting their career. I looked at one job at a local college for a student mentor, just a short term contract until June. One of the first things on the application form was to state ones date of birth. I had thought that was illegal. Needless to say I won't be applying.

I'm actually going to have to leave my home and move away to a cheaper area but the downside will be fewer job opportunities. Anyway I have lots of obstacles to overcome before I start looking. I'm not confident but I realise one of the effects of an impending divorce can be low self-esteem and confidence. Mine is absolutely shattered.

Showqa, this is very hard to answer but here goes! Can I begin by saying that I was a lot older than you are now when my world came crashing down.

I truly cannot count how many wikis have reinvented themselves, retrained in the thick of divorce procedings and graduated as nurses and accountants, etc or set up a business from home. I appreciate how very scary it can be reinventing yourself after a dreadful blow to your self esteem and age is undoubtedly a big hurdle. You're an intelligent woman, and however overwhelming it seems try to make a plan.

You really have tried very hard and I know it's disheartening after more than 150 applications, but don't give up. Do you have a hobby you could turn into an earner? Could your theatre experience be turned into a job, e.g. voice training? There are some jobs where age and experience are a plus.

A very quick trawl of the net:
jobs.telegraph.co.uk/article/how-to-find...when-you-re-over-50/

Adrift - this document says you're right, you don't have to put your age.

www.womenlikeus.org.uk/

Don't give up. Let us know how you get on. It was wiki friends who got me through the fear of working again. xx

How about a quick training course that would lead to a certification? Off the top of my head - phlebotomist. Theoretical certificate is around £150, then you need I think 50 supervised hours to get an NHS practice certificate which you can either pay for as a part of the standard programme (around £200) or you can arrange to have them as volunteering in your GP surgery under a qualified nurse (which will be delighted if you in return help with cleaning / administration).
Three to four weeks and you have a profession which is in a severe shortage.

Just want to thank you all for your advice and support. It is just so hard, so frustrating, a financial worry and yes, another hit to my already smashed self esteem.

Had a bad, bad day today. First bad one in a while, but boy it took me out frankly.

Just want to have my life back and feel normal and positive again.

Anyway, thank you so much.

Hi
I'm three years down the line now, my ex left us the week before my fiftieth as we were supposed to move to America. Since then he has dragged me through court and we finally divorced last year. Despite a court order I haven't received a penny in maintenance for a year and his only contact with his children is via phones.
As for me I temped for a while and now work part time, money is very tight but we manage. There are days when I feel so very alone too but I do know I have come so far and am proud of myself.
So don't give up, keep trying and do you know some companies may want a older person, at least we don't go off and get pregnant or have childcare issues. So we have our positives.
Stay strong xxx

Hi Lymm,

I'm so sorry to hear your story. Utterly cruel the way - seemingly overnight - the "love" can be switched off and all of a sudden we are perceived as merely an obstacle to their upwards trajectory in life. It is a pain like no other, which also brings with it vile physical effects to compound it all. For a while my sleep was non- existent and that seriously affected my eyesight. I simply stopped eating and my weight plumetted, taking with it the little energy I had.


Please stay strong and I wish you the very best. xxx