Is My Wife Having An Affair?

I am suspicious that my wife is having an affair.

I can't be certain, but does anyone recognize these signs.

1. About 3 months ago, she asked for a divorce. No counselling, no discussion, no hints of it beforehand. I have turned that around, and bought some time. But as we have 3 children - 16, 14, and 8 - wouldn't you want counselling first? Unless you had met someone else.

2. She has gone of sex - with me. She generally enjoys sex, and has a decent libido, but no sign of it in our relationship. Of course, it may be me she has gone off...but still?

3. This is a stupid one, but I notice she has started wearing quite sexy underwear to go to work. Odd...?

4. Again, a silly one, but she has changed the password on her mobile phones - both of them. I used to know them, and so did the kids. Not any more. Odd...?

5. I look after the kids half the week while she is in the office (she does the other half). Sometimes she texts and says she has a meeting she forgot and will be home late. That's odd? She is a lawyer, they don't have last minute late meetings.

It is just a feeling right now, but a strong one.

Anyone have any experience of that?

If she is I would like to know.

Hello Batterseaboy, welcome to Wikivorce.

Have you tried to talk to your wife about your concerns? It might be an idea to suggest some sessions with Relate so that you can both talk through how you feel and receive professional support in coming to terms with the major changes you are facing - Relate don;t just help repair relationships, they also help couples manage thier separation in a constructive way so that there is as little hostility as possible.

The demands of a career, a marraige, 3 children and running a home can take it's toll on both parties, and especially where there isn't good/strong communication people do sometimes make major decisions on thier own usually after many months of thinking things through and weighing up the options. It's unlikely that your wife has made a sudden decision about this.

Stress is a big factor in loss of libido, as is the menopause (and perimenopause), being too tired due a busy life is also another factor. Perhaps your wife doesn't feel particularly sexy anymore?

Wearing "sexy" lingerie - I wish men would realise that women wear lingerie to make themselves feel good, -it's not always about wearing Ann Summers stuff to get a man into bed.

Passwords - perhaps she wants some privacy? You said she's a lawyer, so perhaps she has needed to change her passwords to protect client confidentiality if she's receiving work emails on her phone.

Late Meetings- sometimes lawyers do have last minute meetings, either because a client is running late, or because a case conference is required. Perhaps she just fancies a quiet drink/coffee before heading home.

You really do need to talk with your wife - only she has the answers.

In the last five years I have tried to start counselling three times. Each time, she has refused, or else been so passive aggressive about it that it was impossible. So I don't think that will help.

I think you need to speak to her.

It all starts with that conversation. Come back when you know more. If she does or does not want to do counselling, still go yourself. It will help prepare you for what is to come.

Its fairly common for one member of the party to be ahead of the game in terms of separation. And counselling will allow you to catch up.

Marshy.

Yes, she’s having an affair ! Sorry to say, but trust your gut instinct... it’s God given! Xxx

Yep, IMHO, you prepare yourself and be ready (not what I did).

or, you try to find out who, where and why, the first two will be fairly easy, why you'll never really know why and that will consume you. (what I did) If she's moved on you wont stop her and anything you do will push her further away and fill you and her with bitterness.

there is no point trying to negotiate desire , check out some of these mens help channels on you tube . BETTER BACHELOR . ROLLO TOMASSI . RICHARD COOPER . COACH GREG ADAMS . they all have good advice for men going through breakups. if it turns out you need a solicitor , use this site ,it will work out a lot cheaper for you., and trust your gut instinct ,its there for a reason .