Isolated and confused

I am in an emotionally abusive marriage, have previously posted about this. We were trying again,but it has all gone horribly wrong, trying seemed to involve me being nice and doing everything with the children, house, sex on demand etc and him doing as he pleases. Things have got so bad over the last 3 weeks, he won't talk to me unless to belittle or tell me how vile I am, and prefers to communicate via email even when he is in the same house. He went abroad for the weekend at a days notice ie i'm off to x tomorrow morning back in 4 days, since then he has been out 5 nights a week with no email, phone call etc when i question him about it he says i'm jealous as that he has a life and I don't, or ignores my concerns, he told me he was drinking at work after work, when i found accidentally a receipt for over £200 for a trendy soho bar, he has all the signs of an affair new clothes and expensive ones etc... i hate being taken for a total fool and doormat. I have totally lost myself, given up my career so he can have his and to look after our children, so we are totally reliant on him financially, i have isolated myself from all my old friends and family as i get accused of having affairs, and that is every time my phone goes or I take my son to training with my daughter. i am at my wits end, i have told him not to come home as he is out again as i type this, and refusing to answer the phone or emails, my children are questioning where he is and why he is never here, and i don't know what to say to them, and tonight said 'i have no idea'. i wouldnt mind him going out with his colleagues or friends at all, but i haven't been out with adults for over 5 years, and we never do anything together, he likes date night at home which usually means he gets drunk and expects me to stay up having sex all night. I can't believe i at over 40 and what used to be a strong vibrant woman have got myself into this mess, and i have no idea where to turn. I have £20 in my bank account as i have to ask him for every penny (no joint accounts) and rent and bills are due soon, all he seems to do is spend. Apologies for the diatribe, I am at my wits end, and can't stop crying.

It sounds dreadful. Last time you posted you said your husband was bipolar and not taking medication. Has that changed or is he still off medication? Is his mental health team aware?

You were also advised to contact Women's Aid. Did you do that? They really are best placed to help you in a practical way.

What you are describing sounds like coercive control. Google it and see what you think. If you are being forced to have sex against your will that is rape. Coercive control and rape are criminal acts.


You sound like your own mental health is suffering which is hardly surprising. Go and see your GP please. Tell them what is happening. At least then you will have the abuse documented.

As I said, we can listen and give advice about separation, finances etc but it does sound like you need someone nearby who can help you with the practicalities of dealing with your situation. If you do plan to separate, you need help to plan and carry this out. That's what WA can help with.

You may also want to talk to his mental health team. If he really is going out of control they should be made aware.

Please call WA and let us know how yiu get on.

Hadenoughnow