Kids calling boyfriend \"dad\"

I have been divorced for 4 1/2 years.
I have 3 wonderful kids and we have a 50/50 shared parental responsibility with their mom.
I have 2 daughters (12 and 10) and a boy (8). Their mom has been dating a man for 6 months and it is getting married in 3 months.
She has encouraged the kids to call him dad, and he messages them and signs the messages as "Dad".
He has personally met the kids 4 times since he lives across the country.

On a day that was supposed to be a day with their mom but they were with me instead, and after being at their mom's for 3 days, my 10 year old asked me to stop messaging her since I was in the house with her. I said I wasn't and she showed a few messages from "dad", the messages were also signed as "dad". When we look the number up, the contact in her phone had been added and changed to "dad".

My 10 year old felt bad an instantly went to change the contact on her phone.

I did not press on the issue but a few days later she approached me and asked me if it had bothered me. At that point I told her that she was not to worry about it but asked if she didn't get confused calling him dad and me dad, she replied that her mom had really encouraged her to do so she did but she didn't meant to hurt my feelings.

At that point, My 12 year old said she does not want to call him dad, my 8 year boy said he didn't care.

I am happy that they like this person and are looking forward to their mom getting married, however I do find a little confusing for the kids and I am a little sure on how to approach this if I should even approach it.

I would think this is confusing for the kids, and it sounds like a boundary issue.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this or any thoughts on how to approach this with the kids if I should approach it at all?

Thank you

Hello and welcome to wiki. Sorry to read your post.

Hold on to this thought: the family may be reconstituted but you cannot be replaced. You are their biological father who will love them come what may. I think it seems rather premature for him to be addressing them as Dad after only 4 meetings and putting pressure on them to call him Dad will backfire. They are old enough to make up their own minds and it's confusing for them to be told to call him Dad when you're still very much in their lives.

I can only imagine how hard it is to watch whilst another man apparently takes your place in the children's lives, but he’s not you and never will be.

Be guided by your love for them and keep that thought as the focus of your days. Let that love show in all that you do when you’re with them so they carry home with them memories of that love until the next time you can be together.

I totally agree with you

I had this in my first marriage. he gave my ex wife 2 daughters but vanished after. Couple of years and they have not seen him or heard from in him in 14 years. However they engaged in severe parental alienation with my boys who bring up,constantly things that never actually happened although they believe them to be true. My sons all grown up now aged 22, 25 and 27. The fall out from this has been immense,the boys feel that the focus of her life has been on the daughters and they secondary to the daughters. However now I get the anger for the separation although I did not instigate, seek or agree with the divorce. The effect of trying to force this guy on my kids as their Dad has done so much damage that none of us will really get over it.