I wish I was a narcissistic

You may well gasp in horror when you see the title of my topic. Hear me out. I have been taken in by a narcissistic man.
He was confident, entertaining and fabulously fun to be with. His confidence was exuberant and he seemed to attract the adoration of people wherever we went. He was highly intelligent and interesting. Excitingly, he showed great interest in me, and after being single and lonely for so long, I expect I was perfect material for him. My emptiness was filled with kayak trips, bike rides, open fires, camper van excursion and long hearty walks. We talked until the early hours of the morning, we shared the ups and downs and experiences of our life journey to date. I adored the way this man made me feel. I embraced the physical contact of hugs and the tactile connection of holding hands with fervour.
He lived away from me so we had periods of being apart and I enjoyed those too, feeling complete.
Things were always great apart from my niggling feeling about his phone addiction. He was always very secretive with his phone and kept it in a case that stopped others from seeing the screen. This was, at the time, a small sacrifice for the joy he brought.
Things then, as they do, started to change as I began to really listen to his stories of grandeur. His coming and goings sometimes didn't add up.
To cut a long story short, I did get into his phone one day and it showed lots of tinder connections and what'sapp messages to meet others. He had a date set up for the afternoon of the very morning he left my home.

I decided I could not be with him, but I did contact one of the women who seemed to have a deeper connection form the messages I read.

It turned out she had been with him 3 and a half years. I blew the deception of her and my relationship right out of the water.
She and I chatted and the more she told me about him and we compared stories I realised how all his actions were mirroring that of the classic narcissist.
We both sent him packing on the same day and the cruelest thing of all is that he wasn't even bothered about either of us.
He actually said 'Oh well you are a tough cookie, look on it as an experience, in time you can look back on this and laugh'
Yes, of course these words ring true, it is an experience to learn from and maybe I will laugh at the idiotic stories he told. But right now I am beyond devastated.
My heart is broken and both the other woman and I are stunned and in shock at his ability to just skip off to yet another woman/women.
He will be having fun, luring her in with the camper van trips, kayaking and intimate chats, well into the early hours of the morning. He will be soaking up her infatuation with him, he gets to do this all over again.

I wish I was him, I want to be with someone holding hands, hugging and being intimate. He will always be having the joyous times, it is a continual cycle of fun and romance for him. He will never feel the heartache, he will never be on his own, he will always have people adoring him.
Me, right now, I feel so low and lonely my heart aches and my tears fall continually.
If I were a narcissist I would not feel the pain. I would be carefree. I'd be filling the void with another new friend.

I don't think I like being this soft, caring person who takes the worries of the world on. It hurts so much. I miss him so much and he has already forgotten I existed.

Unfortunately there are people like that, who only think of themselves and what they can get from others and you are not the first to believe you'd found a kind, interesting person who was actually not as you expected. It sounds like he was extremely convincing and you had great times together, but you did sense something was amiss and proved your doubts were right. Congratulate yourself on that and congratulate yourself on escaping before too much damage was done and do not let him back in to your life again with a sob story.

My partner was with a narcissist and getting a financial settlement is proving almost impossible as they want to have everything and never compromise, but twist and turn everything to make themselves look like a victim. They make out they are struggling financially, in ill health or abandoned just to try and make the nice, kind hearted people like yourselves and my partner feel guilty.

I'm glad to say they do suffer but will not let you know but they do know how to put on a very brave face from practice.