Social Networking Sites and Teenagers

Not often I ask a question, but would appreciate some other parental views, as my ex is a technological luddite...

My 2 teenage children (16B and 13G) are massive fans of MSN and Bebo, the social networking site. Nothing too unusual there.

Both are a little shy of letting me see what they are up to, but if pressed will show me their pages. They are pressed from time to time.

My daughter has formed a strong friendship with another girl from the local village, who is at the same school. This girl is 'trouble' and I fully expect her to be pushing a pram and in her own council flat by the time she takes her GCSEs.

My daughter managed to put my laptop into sleep mode while she was on her Bebo page, so when I turned it on much later, it was up and logged in.

She has taken to calling herself 'sexymuffin' and has zillions of pictures of herself and her friends on her page. She also has little comments like 'if you're fit and single, I'm interested'

OK, the paranoid father kicks in here - should I be worrying and excercising some editorial control and censorship here? Or is this just what teenagers do these days?

Would appreciate any views

Mike

I'd be worried too Mike.

Maybe you could just have a quiet word with her about the dangers of the internet and how people might perceive comments like that as a first step. Sometimes they just don't realise what they are saying is so provocative.

Rosie xx

Hi mike

I'm the same as you i have a peek at my daughters bebo page and i log into her msn from time to time just to check out her contacts.I see all her mates pages aswell and they are shocking seems like kids these days can't wait to be adults and they think at 11 they have seen the world and they know it all.1 thing i have warned her of is not to put down her location or school she goes to and i ahve advised my neice and nephew of the same thing.I have had talks with my daughter about people online and she does understand my worries.It is what kids do these days but they do need to be informed of the dangers.

Mike
I would be worried too. Eldest son went through a stage, as did his friends, of using bebo. Luckily he was listed as a student of his school so it was easy for me to keep an eye on it under a false name (I know it was sneaky but you have to be careful). Work colleagues do the same with their children.

I’m lucky that son is more into sport than anything else and his bebo was ok, but checking into some of the girls he had linked to him was frightening. The girls seem to get more involved with these types of sites and their postings are beyond their years.

Well anyway Bebo must have really been taking over the school and teachers started keeping an eye on those listed as students of the school. Apparently there had been an outbreak of cyber bullying involving a few pupils. Letters went out to parents, a few pupils were suspended and bebo was more or less outlawed, well it was for son anyway and I think he no longer uses it. I think the letters to parents and the warnings they had in school about the risks involved really worried him.
Is there any way your school could get more involved? It’s a difficult one I suppose and there is really no way to police properly.

Yes you should be concerned and its worth keeping an eye on what is going on BUT girls will be girls and there may be a lot of “big talk” to impress their peers. You know your daughter better than anyone do you think there might be an element of acting up? I’m sure some others here with daughters will have better advice, my experience is with sons only, daughters are a mystery!!
Hope it works out.

Tinny x

Don't overconcern yourself purely with what's on her Bebo page, unless there are other signs about her character or appearance that you're uncomfortable with.

My daughter's Bebo page bears no resemblance whatsoever to the 'real her' - it's all for show, infact I suspect she'd run a mile if a boy so much as tried to put his arm round her !!

Mike

I echo Rosie and Angel's words. A wee chat with your daughter is a good idea, she may not realise how her words may be construed by others. ive had to have a similar talk with my daughter in the past, who thankfully was scared to bits that "strange men" may be reading her Bebo page - in her innocence, she thought only her mates would see it. She went away and did some reading on online safety, and now is sensible on what she puts on her homepage. She also alerts me when she gets pms from strangers on MSN, and lets me deal with them. I allow her her privacy, but she knows that I can, and do, check upon whats she's doing and which sites she visits.

Ruby

I agree with Poppy5 about the front they put up for the front page but would run a mile if challenged. I have 2 girls now 16 and 18 and a 14 year old boy who thinks he's Tom Cruise only taller. There is a certain standing you have to achieve to be accepted by your peers on these sites. You have to rely on having given them the right advice and trust that they have taken it on board. Unfortunately they do grow up too quickly and are way above their years but with the right advice they are usually quite safe and are well aware of the dangers and block anyone they suspect. Mine are really confident and outgoing and quite "street smart" but I would be sneaky about checking the site if they were quieter or shy. Trouble is they will go behind your back if you completely stop them.