How do we tell our 5 year old son?

That's a shame. In that case i would just maintain regular contact with the inlaws (maybe they can drum it into their son what he's missing??)

Try and stay positive and always tell your son that he's very loved by you both. You can't force someone to be a parent but if you can, leave the door open for him so u can never be told that you didn't. You have the moral high ground and the love of your boy.

As far as telling your 5 years -sorry I got the thread a bit of track then - I have been recommended a good book called 'Goodbye Daddy' for little ones which might be a helpful one to read together? I don't know if it is one you have already tried or not.
Good luck.

pupdytat, what if your not friends? Do we smile through gritted teeth and playfully chase each other around the kitchen

Itma, no you say whatever you feel. I hate my stbx for what he has done to me and for leaving me and the boys. But where does it get me? No where. I'll grit my teeth and smile for as long as it takes. No i don't want to. But life is crap sometimes and we just have to make the best of a bad situation.

Puddytat, I was being flippant, a bad habit of mine, especially when the situation demands decorum. I am soon to tell a 7 year old, who was abandoned 2 hours after being born. I am so nervous that she thinks that it's happening again. I am so adamant that I will always be there for her. I've gotten over the impending divorce, I think, but not this bit. Bummer

Haywood,
I went through it 9 months ago with a 6yr old and an 11 yr old. It was hard because I was so devastated by the breakup myself. Do it together if at all possible. Don't create false reasons even if easier than the truth, children very quickly see through it. The truth needs to be made age appropriate. If it is simply that you are no longer best friends then that will be accepted.

In my case the boys have adjusted very well and are very happy, albeit they wish we were together. What has really helped is that they see each of us in equal measures and regularily. Routine is everthing to them. They miss each of us, but only when it comes time to move back to the other home. It isn't tearful, it is just their way of acknowledging love and giving it back.

If for any reason they are missing daddy or vice versa, then encourage them to do something (like draw or colour or write)for that person. It becomes reassuring to the child and the parent that is not there and I would expect raises guilt in those that are not there but could/should be.

I don't believe there is any divorce that does not bring some acrimony into it (money, residency, etc). If you can keep your boy shielded from this then you will have done as much as can be asked and expected. It also helps to be compassionate to your ex-partner. We all don't reach happiness with the new arrangements at the same time.

In truth, it will be harder for you than your son. Once it is done, don't keep reminding him of it by asking how he is feeling about it. If they are not happy it will show in their behaviour or they will voice it, even at 5.

Hi Everyone

Thanks so much for that advice you have been really helpful and I will also buy that book called Goodbye Daddy, I did see it on amazon but felt so sorry at the title I didn't get it.

I'm sure I'll be back on here when we have spoken to him about it pestering you all about reactions and stuff.

Thanks