When to tell children...?

My little brother has just split up with his wife:
20 years marriage
one child (boy, turning 9 next month)
all still living together in the family home.

The marriage had already broken down a couple of years ago; I know that their son has already sensed that something's up and he asked a couple of times if they wanted to get divorced...
Anyway, now my brother told his wife that he wants to get a divorce; he has told us (parents and me) a couple of days later. His wife has talked to almost all the neighbours, friends, parents of schoolfriends, etc. Basically, the whole village knows about it - except the son. His wife requested that he's only told when my brother moves out - but this could be ages especially since he wants to stay in the family home and take care of his son. Obviously, his wife plans to do the same...
My suggestion was that they both (together) tell their son as soon as possible before he learns about it from a third party... my brother agrees, but my sister-in-law says disagrees.

Any good ideas?

Hi,
Much better he hears it from both parents together. Worst case scenario is that he gets told by another kid at school, that would be so unfair.
And asap, if everybody around him knows, it's only a matter of time before some body tells him as well.
My guess is he already knows, just needs his parents to be honest and level with him.
Best wishes,
Sprite

You are right-the lad should be told by both asap,also he must be told how much they love him and its NOT his fault., take care

What would the sister in law explain to her child, especdially after he had perhaps heard this information from someone else?

He obviously is not at all stupid and knows roughly what the outcome of the relationship is going to be!! Children are very perceptive and intuatitive. Silly woman really, what does she think she is going to protect him from?

Has she thought for one minute that if he does indeed hear this information from someone else, he might be angry and upset that she had not told him.

It is a minefield really where little ones are concerned.
But I would say that at the age of 9yrs judging a situation, talking divorce, he seems quite capable of being sat down and told by them both, properly.

zara

that would be so logical... but what to do with my sister-in-law? If she doesn't cooperate (to be honest she might still be in denial..) what can my brother do?

Can he ask somebody to talk to her on his behalf? Family member or friend? Someone she would listen to calmly. Someone who could explain to her she owes it to the boy to be honest now. If she doesn't listen to her ex, this might be a way forward.
Sprite x

You said that she would be willing to tell him when daddy moved out.
Sounds like she just wants things to amble along as normal. That is ok and I am sure the child would accept this more if he was party to the information.

I would sincerely challenge that she is going to damage the child more by letting him live a lie. He will resent it later on.
Would she blow her stack if your brother told him??

zara