How is this supposed to help improve communication

Hi all, I hope you're coping.

As part of the 'process' we're going through regarding our nearly 3 yr old child we're 'supposed' to be attempting to improve our communication.

So, as our child returns from contact last night, has a really disturbed night and is generally super clingy refusing to let me leave his sight I email ex this morning to ask in anything might have upset him over the weekend - I go to great pains to construct the language so it's not critical or can be misunderstood as Im genuinely not having a go.

I get back an email quite obviously written by a sol or barrister but apparently from ex suggesting that our child is clingy because he's had such a nice time because ex spends all their time with our child as opposed to me - after all I just have him 24/7 the other 12 days a fortnight.

Anyway my rant is just about, how on earth am I supposed to move things forward if everytime I try I just get (very) thinly veiled criticism back - I know it's for our child's benefit and of course I've no intention of changing how I'm doing things (ie by the book), but it just winds me up, so completely. Thie thing is, I know from that response it will get put into his statement next time round.

Sorry, I'll get back in my box now, just sooo fed up with this today

xS

hi there, i have had similar problems from my 3 year old. he would either return to me being very clingy or angry and start hitting me and saying he didnt want me and that he wanted his dad. stbx would often witness this and i believe got satisfaction from seeing me struggling. how long have you been split up? my little boys behavior has improved recently thank goodness but it is 4 months on x

Hi thanks, we've been separated just over 2 years

It's a long and very depressing road I've been on and I thought things were supposed to be improving finally but it seems he just can't resist attempting to build his residency case from thin air despite being warned against it last time we were in court.

*very fed up Sparkles*
xS

he wants your child then? is it that he wants him or is it being used as a tool to 'get' at you? my stbx saw a solicitor when we first split to find out his chances of getting residency of our son...he was told that he basically had zero chance. a 2 year split is a long time so your child should have had adequate time to adjust...is your ex saying things to him? i only ask as my ex was feeding our son full of c..p on his weekends with him eg 'ask mummy if she likes being on her own' and 'can daddy bring his clothes home'.....

compatriates....step outside your vehicles of discontent a while....try to look at it as your child may see things....

...i understand she was trying to look at it from outside her 'vehicle of discontent'...as you so kindly put it...she has her childs best interests at heart and is attempting to communicate with the childs father re: the childs welfare. it appears that it may be the father who needs to step outside his 'vehicle of discontent' and stop using the child to attack the mothers parenting skills...

Flower, bless you, you put that much better than I could have.

Bossyboots. Thanks for your input, it's always helpful to be reminded of priorities, I'm confident my internal reality check about this works pretty well and I do have the desires of our child at the centre of this which is why despite aggressive and bullying tactics from my ex and against the backdrop of consistent and real threats of abduction to a non hague convention country I am attempting to rebuild trust and develop communication which will enable our child to have the contact and relationship with both of us on an equal footing and have been doing so for 2 years.

Occasionally, I get frustrated and saddened by the brick wall approach I am met with though, I am only human after all.
Have a good day
xS