Equal Split

Hey,What can i expect and what would be considered fair?

M 44, £100k PA, Pension 100k ish
W 44, £30k PA, Pension 20k ish
Married 15 years
Property Equity £150k
Paying: child maintenance in excess of CSA recommendation, pay additionals towards child travel and food, I pay joint loans, I pay half mortgage. Pay for rent for my own place too.
Child 18 in July
Child stays with Ex full time, but this is being driven by the ex as they dont want them to stay with me and puts guilt on them, although has stayed for a number of adhoc days.

What can i expect? Ex is being completely unreasonable and wants all of the house to leave pensions alone, even though they cant afford it. I dont want to go to court as this will erode the little equity that is there. No solicitors involved yet. Ex also claiming to go for SM too on top of everything else. I can prove that all significant payments such as deposits, building work etc came from my earnings.

Any help or advice please?

How big is the house? If it’s bigger than her needs and she can’t afford to run it then she is unlikely to get to keep it.
You both need two bedroom houses. How much are they round by you?
What are 18 year olds plans. Are the off to uni this October?
There isn’t a lot of assets given the size of your income so you may have to give up more than 50% on a needs basis to house her as you will have greater mortgage capacity.
While you pay loads of extras and she lives in the FMH your ex isn’t going to want to change anything. You are also acknowledging that she needs more income and that you can afford to pay it which could lead to spousal maintenance.

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The reality is i cant afford it with everything else i have to pay. She is getting a greater disposable income and has already had several holidays. She pays very little towards the youngest. The house is 5 bedrooms and has the ex, the youngest and the oldest who is older and in full time employment. I see the the kids regularly and give lifts to six form on several mornings a week and meet for food too. The 17 year old is planning to go to uni in September too.

also, how long does spousal maintenance last? is this time bound or indefinite?

And in addition to the income there is now benefit claims going in and also receives a large sum in board from the eldest too. so total income from all of that is probably equivalent to a pre tax amount of £45k. I think i am being too soft on the extra payments but have been pushed and push and guilted into it. I am having to ay from some things on credit cards.

You need to cut back on what you are paying.
Why pay half the mortgage on a house you aren’t living in when you have your own housing costs?
Cut back child maintenance to CMS amount. Any extras you want to give then give it directly when you see them.

Spousal maintenance is based on need and ability to pay. From what you have described she will be hard pressed to demonstrate a need.

So an update on the situation. There isnt a great deal of assets to split. £120k equity from house and around £130K total pension pot. I have offered 92% of house (basically i will take 10k and she takes the rest, even if house sale is higher). Also offering just shy of 50% of pension pot and she is rejecting everything. Her offer remains static and saying this is the advice from the solicitors. She wants SM of £1000 per month for years (potentially even trying to go for a joint lives order), open ended as she said she needs this to secure a house, therefore the SM will not end as long as she has a mortgage. Paying that means it would take me around 3 years if not more to save a deposit for a house and secure long term financial security. I am the higher earner and there is a significant gap in salaries, but now she wants this to go to court (mediation first, but dont think she will try). and then claiming she wants to recover court costs from me. She has racked up debt since the split, this is despite her salary 2k, CM of nearly 900 (ends in a few months), board payments of 400 from eldest and then additional child benefits etc. and i pay half of the mortgage.

Not sure my solicitor is much good because he constantly changes his position and wont give me clear direction and i have racked up a lot of costs with very little help.

I am getting worried about my own future