Stopping divorce

It''s entirely down to your judgement but if there is reconciliation you don''t have to go ahead with divorce. The divorce isn''t finalised until the Absolute has been applied for and granted. When there is reconciliation it is possible to ask the court to rescind the Nisi decree and dismiss the divorce petition by agreement.

Hi would your husband go to counselling with you if he will it might be worth postponing a divorce if that is what you truly want.
But you should ask yourself whether he is just having a wobble with his new life and wants you as his back up plan in case things don''t work out for him or it could be he has realised the grass isn''t greener after all....

thank you for all your replies I really appreciate it, met stbx yesterday and he says divorce has gone too far down the line and cannot be stopped, maybe we get back a few months after divorcing, is this possible, is this a game? this has thrown me completely off and brought the uncertainity of it all back.

Yes - this is nonsense. It has never gone to far to stop it if you want to.

Hi I would be very cautious and try and protect yourself emotionally ...
The facts are if he wanted to reconcile and try and sort your marriage out there is time to stop the divorce and try and move things forward with you again.
That he is saying about getting back together in months/ years strikes me as someone who wants a back up plan in case everything goes wrong for him and wants you to be sitting around waiting for him to make his mind up.
I am not being harsh I am in the same situation as you and it is very hard to break free from
Just look at his actions not his words ......x

My STBXH hinted like this at first. It started when we first stared talking financials. I ''paused'' the divorce for a while because I wanted to see if anything changed (he wasn''t living at home)...nothing did.

And I realised,he was trying to play me. He didn''t actually want me to stop the divorce, he wanted me to be ''nice'' with the finances. He wanted me to think we might reconcile at some point in the future and do what he wanted in the divorce.

Once I realised, I put the divorce off for another couple of months, and used the time to work on my self esteem and the emotional side of the separation. When I started the divorce back up again,I was ready.

Since then he has tried:

- playing the same trick
- making himself out to be a victim to get sympathy
- giving me presents
- wanting to be my friend
- spreading lies
- inflating his costs and disputing all of mine
- not giving all his financial information
- not paying the joint mortgage (he''s living there)
- emotionally bullying me in mediation (I then asked for separate rooms)

And he''s now in a massive financial mess despite a very good income.

All of that has shown me that he never wanted to reconcile. It was all about manipulating me to try and get a better financial settlement, hoping that I''d want to keep him happy in the hope of reconciling in the future.

Please hear this:

Anyone who is SERIOUS about reconciling will do whatever they can to make that happen. Giving a vague promise for the future with no actions RIGHT NOW = manipulation.

Thank you very much all your contributions are extremely helpful. I will take all this in my head when I next meet stbx. Pray I am strong enough to say what''s on my mind and not feel intimidated and tongue-tied xx