can kids choose who to live with ?

sgutt,

You're situation sounds pretty similar to mine except your kids are younger which may make things more difficult for you in getting their wishes respected. You really need to get a good family solicitor on the case, get an interim hearing (they will probably award joint custody to begin with) and get CAFCASS involved. They will interview both of you and the children. Some people have had bad experiences of them but the two officers involved in my case were excellent, listened intently to the children and recommended they stay with me, having seen how lying and manipulative my ex was. Good luck with your fight, it will be a long hard slog and will probably turn nasty but in the end will hopefully be worth it. All in all it took just under 5 months for my case. You need to get in quickly to prevent any changes like moving house, schools etc, the court may well decide to enforce that she stays put until the final hearing.

rdcox

Why did it take 5 months to sort things out with CAFCASS? I thought they had a few meetings with the parties involved and made their recommendation to the courts fairly quickly.

We all still live in the family home, nobody is planning on moving anywhere till this is sorted so I am hoping it can be concluded fairly quickly, especially for the children's sake.

Hi GSS,

It all kicked off in mid June, my ex tried to take the children and I managed to get a court appearance that same week to get them returned on an interim basis. At this time the children were interviewed initially to ascertain their feelings. CAFCASS required 16 weeks to prepare their report - it may differ in other areas (we are in Bournemouth). We then had another court appearance at the end of September following receipt of the CAFCASS report which was intended to try and sort out an agreement amicably between ourselves, however my ex-wife wouldn't accept the findings in the report so it went to a final hearing at the end of October and she was pretty much forced into a corner where she had to accept what was on offer which was 5 out of 8 weekends plus 50% of school holidays - the CAFCASS report recommended only giving her every other weekend as the children didn't want to see her any more than that!

You really need to make a good impression on the CAFCASS officer, they will come and interview both of you with and without the children and also interview the children to see what they would prefer to do. if you can keep the same consistent routine going, with housing, schools etc then you will be in a stronger position than your ex if she is planning to uproot them. The lady who dealt with our case was excellent, very fair and saw through my ex's lies and manipulations. They also didn't like the fact that she was trying to inflict a new, live-in partner on them immdiately after our separation. Don't use the interviews as an excuse to slag your ex off etc, you need to be seen as the calm, rational one but you need to highlight why they'd be better off with you as opposed to your wife.

The court will usually follow CAFCASS's recommendations - however I suggest you do get a barrister to represent you in the final hearing(s) to be on the safe side, mine certainly earnt her money going up against my ex's. If the CAFCASS report goes against you then I doubt your chances.

Hope this helps
Richard

Thanks Richard

I think I am in for a battle, have just found out that after my x2b's appointment with the mediator they have concluded the case is not suitable for mediation, so CAFCASS here we come.

I have my appointment on 5th Feb, the children do not want to go as she has got then scared stiff of the whole thing. I guess she put on the waterworks, 'feeling threatened by me'act for the mediator and refused to have joint mediation sessions with me.

All I can do now is put my trust in faith that sometimes the good guys can win.

Thanks

The good guys can win, I did it! Tell the kids CAFCASS are nothing to worry about, they are very nice people and are very experienced with dealing with children. I had the added bonus of going into the first hearing with a nonsensical alleged assault claim by my lovely ex hanging over me (later dropped thankfully). They will need to see both of you individually with the children to see how you all interact etc.

Good luck!
Richard